Unstable || Prinxiety

Chapter 20

(Virgil's POV)

Song: In My Blood - Shawn Mendes

Flashback:

Once it's done, it's done. There'll be no momentous ending, no regrets. I'll simply be gone. So I gritted my teeth and let my hand slip, waiting for impact. And did my life flash before my eyes? 

No. I was just that unimportant.
 

*   *   *

One of my favourite things to do when I was younger was to fully submerge myself under the water in the bath. With my senses dulled like that, I could almost imagine what it would be like to have peace. To not be constantly surrounded by others, feeling their judgments and glares. That was until I got older. The peace the silence once gave me now made me realize how loud and overwhelming the cacophony that was mind truly was. Ever since, I'd avoided baths like the plague, never willing to be so alone with my thoughts. Underwater, you are alone with merely your thoughts, amplified to their fullest extent, enveloping you in the loudest of noises.

Is that how I'll feel when I land? Will, for the first few seconds after being submerged, my thoughts finally let loose; all my negativity come out in one inescapable moment? Will the universe's last message to me be the loud, screaming thoughts of my pure, undiluted mind? 

Is that how I want my life to end? Until now I'd never feared death - hell, I'd even tried to willingly bring it on myself. Now, for no reason apart from fear, all I wanted to do was to live.

My eyes opened before I even realized they'd closed, yet, I could see nothing. All I could do was feel. Like an unstoppable river, every single emotion one could posses ran through my brain, moving faster than the speed I was falling. And I definitely was falling, flying through the air at speeds I'd never imagined. It was complete loss of control, and I realized I didn't even know what was up and what was down. That's when reality caught up with me.

My hand, moving almost of its own volition, reached up and grabbed the off-hang on my balcony, holding on literally for dear life. The weight on my shoulders lifted as soon as I knew that I had a stable grip; hopefully, I'd be safe for a while. My eyes strained as I looked as far up as I could, and I could literally feel my heart sink as I realized how far away the balcony top was. My energy was already running out, and I knew it'd take a miracle for me to be able to pull myself up.

'Idiot!' I scolded myself out loud. If I had a hand free, I may even have used it to slap myself for my stupidity. Why the hell had I launched myself off this God forsaken platform? And why was I reconsidering my decision now? It's hardly the time to be indecisive.

I couldn't even begin to imagine how absolutely pathetic I must look right now, clutching desperately to the ledge, my body hanging limply below me. Well. This is it. This is how I die. What else could I do? I cursed myself for not taking the time to exercise, for maybe if I was stronger, I'd be able to crawl my way to the top.

What an inglorious ending this would be. A fitting way to go out, really. And to top it off, if I listen really hard, I can hear the people in the room down from mine. Seems like everyone's getting on just swell without me.

My hand shook slightly, already caving from the effort it took to keep my body suspended in the air. All my life, it seemed like time passed by fast, so why now, of all times, did it choose to slow down? Why now, did my desire for living choose to kick in? It was like the waves of confusion, dread and anger that had always seemed to follow me had disappeared, in their place a new found motivation. The will to live.

Another sound invaded my senses, but this time it was different. To me, this sound was the literal embodiment of hope. It was the sound of my balcony door sliding open, followed by the soft thud of feet hitting the tiles.

I screamed for help, but my voice was immediately taken by the wind, becoming one with it and drifting away. The person got closer, and before I knew it, he was leaning against the balcony, dangelling his feet meagre centimeters from my face. The sun clouded my vision as I gazed up upon his silhouette, looking to see if he'd seen me. It wasn't looking hopeful. Holding on with one hand, I prized the other reluctantly away from the ledge, instead lurching it into the air in the hope it would connect with the person.

The soft texture of well-worn cotton embraced my skin as I closed my grip, using my last ounce of strength to haul myself up. The person, startled, began to edge back, letting out a dramatic yell that I'd recognise almost anywhere. Roman?

In an instant, strong, comforting hands wrapped around my wrist, pulling me over the remaining rails and into a secure embrace. Maybe I was crying, but I couldn't be sure, as all I could hear was the blood rushing through my ears. My body was singing, my nerves alive and electricity seeming to run through my veins as I focused on Roman's embrace. Every scent, every touch, every sight - they all told me one thing.

I was alive.