Unstable || Prinxiety

Chapter 19

(Roman's POV)

"Should we tell Logan?" Loneliness muttered after I'd told him what I thought the note meant. I paused, caught between a nod and disagreement. What if Logan complicated the rescue process? What if we didn't see eye-to-eye? What if we did?

"Logan could be an excellent help," Loneliness offered, sensing my hesitation, "and I personally would feel safer if he knew this information."

I nodded. There was also the matter of somehow tracking Logan down, but I kept that to myself.  "You know Virgil best," I spoke, but the voice coming out didn't feel like mine; it was weak, unconvincing, "so I think you should look for him while I find Logan." 

"Virgil needs you more than me. You go." He replied sincerely.

"I don't even know where to start," I replied. Virgil said he was 'drowning,' but apart from the bathrooms, where was a place with water? Yes, it was a feeble excuse, but it was all I had. It was the fight or flight instinct, and I knew which one was winning. Every single fiber of my being wanted me to abandon my responsibilities and let Loneliness find Virgil. I was being selfish, and I knew it, yet I couldn't stop. I was torn between my need to find Virgil and my cowardliness.   

Loneliness looked at me incredulously, "Are you giving up on him?" He questioned, looking at me with a gaze mixed with disappointment and anger. His eyes widened, and suddenly he was the epitome of calmness and poise. "No, you're giving up on yourself."

That surprised me. "What?"

"You don't think you're capable of handling the situation, don't you? You don't want to allow yourself to fall into something you're unable to handle."

And then he looked at me, and I had never felt more vulnerable. For someone who barely had any contact with others, he could read people very easily. I was a blank canvas, stark and bare - exposed under his gaze.  

"If there was one thing I thought that the legendary 'Prince Roman' wasn't, it would've been a coward." I winced. Ouch. 

"You know," he began, "I never trusted you. Neither did Virgil really, initially at least, but you somehow slipped through his fingers. He opened up to you, Roman. More than he really ever did with me"

"Did he? That's news to me," I replied, knotting my eyebrows together unconsciously. I always thought that he and Loneliness were close in a way that we never could be. After all, they only had each other, and it had always been that way. Virgil and I, however, I was never sure what we were. Our dislike of each other had never been a secret, yet at the same time, we had shared many moments that made me question where I stood. Like that kiss, which we shared before Virgil went into the meeting with Logan. Although fleeting, that was the one moment that completely changed my views on everything. Virgil, suddenly, had transformed from a moody, distant nuisance to someone who I couldn't live without. Someone who I would risk my life for.

But would I? Would I really risk my life for his? So far, my actions were saying no. Yet I knew that I had to. If he died, I would never forgive myself. So what was I waiting for?  

"Where do we start?" I questioned, looking at where Loneliness was last standing, only to find empty space. Virgil's note was gone, too, and I realized that he'd gone to fetch Logan. Of course.

I wondered absent-mindedly to Virgil's balcony, gazing at the calming waves below, thinking. Where could he be? Where would I go if I never wanted to be found again? I kneeled on the floor, letting my legs slip through the gaps in the balcony rails and dangle slowly. If I wanted to, I could jump and no one would know. Is that what Virgil thought when he came out here? Is that why be found standing on the balcony so rejuvenating? Maybe he felt like he had control over his life - he could either end it and jump off, or be a better man and walk away. He could either abandon his problems and jump or choose to face them head-on and step back inside.

Maybe this was exactly what he was thinking when he wrote the note. Drowning... No, not maybe this is what he was thinking. It is definitely what he was thinking. Virgil jumped from his problems, and it turns that's all I have to do to solve my own. Jump.

I didn't want to look down.

I didn't want to face it.

They always say that the biggest fear is the fear of the unknown. Until now, I'd never understood just what that meant.

What if I didn't see him?
What if I did?

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get my eyes to look down. I was fighting my own body, battling my consciousness and fear in one. That was until I felt something grip my foot with a bone-crushing clutch. Could it be?

Virgil.

A/N:

Hey, thanks for reading! Did this chapter make sense? Was it too all over the place? Please tell me what you think ❤💜💕❤💕💜