leaving;; carter hart

chapter thirty-eight

of course my mind was racing. i told dad that i had to go out and buy some girly things and that id be right back. i got to the rink quick, probably speeding in the process. arriving at the arena had me nervous, either he was breaking up with me, surprising me with a date or something im not aware of. i didn't know what it possibly be, he just got home how could he break up with me? what if he cheated? no, carter wouldn't do that.  i slowly walked in not wanting to face reality.

i found carter sitting in the stands staring at the ice, but not because he was observing it because he was zoned out and that happen to be wear he was looking.

"hey," i said quietly walking up to him. he quickly looked up.

"oh hi, here sit." he motioned to sit down. this didn't seem good, definitely not a surprise date.

"so what did you need?"

he leaned forward and put his head in his hands, "uh yeah. " he took a long pause, "fuck." he whispered.

"carter what is it your making me have anxiety, please just say it."

"im going to philly, they might need a backup goalie. there's been talk about trading their goalie."

wow. that was a lot. i leaned back in the seat and thought about what he just said. don't get me wrong, this was great news. carter would finally be playing for the nhl and hopefully would be able to help the flyers get to the playoffs, even if he's sitting the bench. but he was leaving and going across the country.

"look im sorry-"

"no carter. don't be sorry. you don't have a choice, and for fucks sake your going to be playing for the nhl. carter i love you and i just want you to be happy." i quickly rubbed my eyes, im not fucking crying right now.

"yeah but i want you to be happy too. and i know you can be happy without me but i hate the thought of you being ok without me." he keeps running his hands through his hair. "im leaving tonight, thats why i asked you to get here soon. i didn't know when i was going to tell you so i messaged you while i was cleaning my locker out so id be distracted. fuck devon im sorry."

"carter. stop apologizing." now i was crying, "look, i don't know if you just wanted to tell me this then hope it would be like when you went to worlds or if you want to breakup or what but just know i love you and am proud of you."

"i don't want to break up with you devon. unless you don't want be tied down then we can separate but i want to try to work this out."

"ok, then we'll try." i grabbed his hand and held on to it tightly.

for the rest of the 5 hour he had left he spent 2 of them with me, 1 with his friends and teammates and other others with parks and at the airport.

we said goodbye to each other hoping it would be an official goodbye but it felt pretty official. he said bye jackie who didn't really get it but she said bye anyways.

"goodbye carter hart."

"goodbye devon chamberlain, i love you."

"i love you too carter."

and with that he left. 

-

[a/n theres going to be an epilogue then the book will be done. sorry if it ended so abruptly, I've been struggling to keep writing this story :((( ]