Bloody Hands || E. Wiggin

026

The following days were caotic. The Russians had come to Eros to take us away. We were hidden in the tunnels, light turned to darkness, and heads swimming with a new anxiety as battles rage outside our walls.

We had won the Formic War. We had beaten the buggers, blasted their home planet into a bubbling mess. I was not sorry. At least I wasn't on the outside. I had be strong along with everyone else. There wasn't time to dwell. After one war ends, another always immerges.

But we had destroyed an entire species and Ender had taken the brunt of it.

After the bugger battle, Ender had gone to sleep in his room. It's been three days and none of us have seen him. If he has woken, we have not been told. To say I was worried was an understatement.

He must feel horrible. He never meant to kill anyone. He feels like Peter.

But Ender was anything but Peter. If he had been told before hand, what that battle would mean for humanity, or for the Formics, he would never have done it.

But they knew that. The teachers, administrators, hell even the government. They must have, or they would have told him.

Ender was not his brother.

When it came time for Ender to be transfered to the infirmary we were all there by his bedside. At first he did not wake, but by the second day, he began to stir. I was the first to get to his side.

Ender shot awake, grabbing my wrist, prepared to twist it behind my back, but stopped when he saw my wide eyes. "Lara?"

I smiled and gently tugged my hand free. "At long last, Sleeping Beauty awakens." There were snickers behind me.

"Where are we?" He asked anxiously, taking in his surroundings and the rest of his jeesh.

"Eros," cut in Bean. "The Russians came after you won. The fight is still going. We aren't allowed to leave the tunnels."

Ender stiffened at the mention of our battle, but said nothing of it. Neither did we. We settled into silence.

Ender suddenly layed his head back onto his cot once again. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. we let him fall back to sleep without a sound.

.....

The following day the lights were turned back on. The teachers came to get us, informing us that the Russians had been neutralized. That there was nothing to be afraid of.

We all knew in our hearts this was only the first battle of another coming war.

Ender was left to his slumber. It hurt to leave him alone again, but I was not allowed to stay. Maybe it was for the best.

.....

Throughout the remainder of the day, I couldn't shove away my feeling of fear and anxiety. I knew there was nothing to be afraid of anymore. The buggers were gone, the Russians neutralized, but a hunch was a hunch.

By nightfall, the feeling became impossible to ignore. Somehow, I knew it was connected with Ender. He was the only one still in danger, even if it was from himself. So when everyone was asleep, I set out through the dim halls towards the infirmary where I hoped to find him.

An unsettling feeling feel upon me as I walked the halls alone. I knew where I was going. The only thing to fear was of being caught by a teacher, but it was unlikely to happen. I didn't know what had gotten into me.

I bumped into a figure as I turned a corner. Taking a startled step back, I looked up to find my self face to face with he one and only Ender Wiggin.

I smiled softly. "Hello, Ender."

He returned the smile. "Hey, Lara. Are you alright? What are you doing up?"

I frowned. "I could ask you the same thing. Is everything okay?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Yeah, everythings...fine."

I choked down a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah right. What's on your mind?" I already knew the answer.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I just...it's the buggers." He looked down, ashamed. His voice suddenly turned agressive. "I can't get them out of my head." He shuddered.

I reached for his hand, intertwining his fingers with mine, and gently tugged him down the tunnel in the direction of his private room. "Everything's going to be okay." I hushed him. My insides were burning with despair. I didn't know how to handle this situation. I didn't know how to make him feel better. We had killed an entire species. How could I tell him everything would be okay?

He didn't say anything, just let me guide him down the halls, his head more than likely muddled with his own horrid thoughts.

When we reached his room, I opened his door and let him walk in before me. He slumped to the center of the room, staring out the round window above his bed as starlight beamed through. Slowly, I walked to stand by him, placing my hand on his back where I could rub comforting circles.

"They didn't mean to harm us, Lara. They were expanding and looking for new places to live," Ender broke the silence.

"I know," I whispered.

Ender's shoulders shook. "After we drove them out, they didn't attack again. They left us alone. We should have done the same."

"I know, Ender."

"Lara, you don't understand!" He turned to look at me with broken eyes. "They stopped! They didn't come back! I never should have killed them! They didn't deserve it!"

I felt tears come to my eyes, but I swollowed them back. "Ender, shhh, I know, I know." I took his hands in mine. "This wasn't your fault, Ender. You did what you had to do."

His voice turning soft. "I did what they thought I had to do. I'm a murderer."

Anger burned inside of me. "No. Ender, bloody hands don't mean a bloody heart." He stared out at the stars through the window. "You are kind, and pure, and everything we need you to be. Everything I need you to be. You're a genius, but please don't let your head get into this one. What's done is done, and though it was not the best thing, you have to move on. Live your life for them."

And then his lips were on mine, and we moved as if we were one being. We might have been murderers. We might have been broken and cracked so much that our insides were jewels upon the ground. But in that moment, all that mattered was him and I.

And I might not have been sure about anything, but I knew that there would be trials and pains ahead. And we would hurt over and over again. But we would hurt together, and hold each other up till the very end.

.....

Thank you all for reading! This is the end of this story. I am so happy you made it this far! Thank you for all the love and patience! I'm also really sorry if there are grammatical or spelling errors throughout.