Au Revoir

8

As I stand, just staring into the mirror, I can't help but not look away from my eyes.  Directly into my own pupils.  Gazing.  And when I started I couldn't help but notice how your eyes really do show your complete soul, and spill your emotions for the whole world to see.

"What do you think you are doing coming home this late?"

My eyes are currently showing me breaking inside.  

"Are you drunk?"

The pain.

"Such a disgrace.  This is why I wish I never had you."

The loneliness.

"How do you even have friends?  You are such a spoiled brat."

The numbness.

"Get upstairs you good for nothing pig before I throw you on the streets."

She has said all these things before, but this time something happened.  It felt like an out of body experience.  Instead of her slapping me, it was her slapping someone who couldn't be saved.  Someone broken.

I felt like I had no one.  It felt so real recently that it's starting to become a lot.  I turned the bathroom light off, and just stood there for a minute.  This silence is deafening.

While slowly making my way back to my room I debated talking to someone, but decided against it since I wouldn't want to be a burden to anyone else.  Sleep is the best choice right now.  I need to get away from the nightmare that is my thoughts.

As my vision fades to black all I can think about is needing a hug extremely bad. 

--

Walking into school Monday was the easiest thing to do in the past 4 days.  After my mom and I's fight on Friday night she grounded me from all electronics and even school just to work.  Full out physical labor.  It makes sense even though it sucked.  I deserved it.

I go to my locker and find a note taped onto it.  When I see what it is my heart stops.  It was an image of Lilith and I kissing on the bed at the party.  At the bottom it said "Leave scissoring to scissors you fag".  My jaw is dropped as I cover my mouth in shock.  So many questions ran through my mind as I just stare at the image.  How?  Why?  Who? 

Then I hear my name being said down the hall.  I look up and its Becky.

"Hey Jes-- woah are you okay?  You look like hell."  She looked genuinely concerned instead of her perky usual self.  At first I was too shocked to speak, but I found my words after a second.

"Oh um yeah.  Just had a busy I guess."  While talking I folded the paper in my hands an put it in my pocket then forced a smile at the end.  She didn't look convinced, but continued the conversation.

"Alright.  What were you up to?"  There was still eight minutes before class started.

"Uh I got in trouble for being drunk when I got home, so I was grounded and stuff."  My eyes wouldn't make eye contact with her no matter how hard I tried.

"So that's why you were gone from school the rest of the week.. how did she 'ground' you?"  She leaned against the lockers and crossed her arms.  She was getting suspicious.

"M-My mom took away my ph-phone, and I had to w-work a lot."  I started to shake.  Why am I getting so nervous?

"How long were you working?"  The look on Becky's face looked like she wasn't going to give up. I need to stop talking about this before she thinks something is wrong.  Although.. it is kind of feeling nice to talk to someone.