Au Revoir

20

All my head would let me think about was Alex.  I could never understand how he must feel right now.  

Me:  Alex I'm so sorry

Romeo:  I just.. I don't know anymore

Me:  Alex

Romeo:  what will I do when he's gone?

Me:  You'll figure it out then.  I promise I'll help you make it through this

Romeo:  can I come over?

Me:  Yes, of course

Romeo:  alright

Romeo:  ..thanks

Me:  It's no problem

As I wait for Alex I feel the paper my dad, or I should say, Josh, gave me.  I enter his number into my phone then text him.

Me:  This is Jessie.  I can't talk right now, but I figured I would text you just in case I lost the paper.

Then I just sit on my bed.  I take a deep breath to try and get a clear mind.  Today has been so eventful, and it's only three.  I'm really just trying to mentally prepare myself for when Alex comes over.

The stuff going on with Lilith and my dad alone make me want to break down, but now I can't because I have to be strong for Alex.  He may not talk about his feelings as often and seem happier, but I know he is still struggling.  It's obvious to me for some reason.

About fifteen minutes later there are knocks at the front door.  I get up and start running to the front door.  Half way down the steps my right foot hooks on the back of my left one, and I start falling.  I put my arms out in front of me, but they give out when I hit the ground.  I end up rolling down the steps.  My fall must have been pretty loud because my mom rushed in from a different room.

"Are you alright?"  She says putting her hands on my shoulders.  Everything from my shoulders up was in excruciating pain, but I tried to not show it.

"Yup, I'm fine."  I reassure, and push myself up.  I slowly walk to the door because all I could see was blurred doubles of the things near me.  When I opened the door for Alex we made eye contact.  I could tell I gave him an 'I'm sorry' look.  His arms reached out and wrapped around me then I felt his head rest on my shoulder.  We stood there like that for a couple minutes before I heard my mom clear her throat.  Alex pulled away slowly, but I still couldn't see his facial expression well.

"Hi.  I'm Mary, Jessie's mom."  She said with an elegant voice.

"Alex."  He responded undoubtedly wanting to not talk with my mom.

"I'm making spaghetti for dinner later if you guys want."  I grab Alex's hand an start leading him upstairs.

"Okay, thanks mom."  

When we get to my room and shut the door Alex turns to me.  

"Mom?  Mom?  After all she's done to you, you still give her the satisfaction of being a 'mother'?"  His voice wasn't angry or aggressive, just more confused.

"She's changed.  I'm not sure why, but she has."  I counter.

"People like her don't just change.  She is a monster, Jess.  She left you in pain, she hit you and made you lose precious memories you can never get back without giving a shit.  And now she is brainwashing you to think she's different.  I can't have her hurting you again, Jessie.  I can't lose you."  Alex was holding my shoulders and talking in a strained voice.  I pull him into me to hug him, and rub his back.  He started to choke back tears which made me so the same.

"You aren't going to lose me.  You never will, so don't worry about me okay?  I want you to worry about taking care of yourself now.  I need you just as much as you need me."  When we both stop crying I pull back, and put my hand on his cheek.

"So, what do you want to do?"  He just keeps his gaze on the floor.

"Can we just stay up here?"  

"Yeah totally."  

Alex and I both lay on my bed above the covers, and I grab my computer.  I decide to create a new sims world for us to control in hopes of taking his mind off of his life for even a second.  We end up creating two sims that look like us that live together as roommates.  I end up doing most of the playing while he just watches, once and a while adding a suggestion here or there.  Then when I get bored I turn off the computer and set it aside. 

"So, Alex, what do you want to do no--"  I cut myself off when I see he is sleeping.  He was so adorable.

I take a quick picture then carefully go downstairs without waking him to get some food.

The rest of the night was uneventful, so I ended up going to bed around eight o'clock.

--

It was currently New Years Eve, and I was at a party.  No, not a high school party.  An adult party that my mom was invited to then forced me to also come to.

During the two hours I have already been here I was texting Alex while drinking sparkling fruit juice.  He said he was drinking real champagne with his mom while his dad was away.  

Me:  The ball is going to drop in a couple minutes.  Got a New Year's resolution?

Romeo:  yeah I have one, do you?

Me:  Just the regular 'don't eat as much chocolate' and 'exercise more' bs.  What's yours?

Romeo:  hmm wouldn't you like to know  ;p

Me:  Yeah I do, that's why I asked dummy  px

Romeo:  I'll tell you later

Me:  Fine

Romeo:  10

Me:  8

Romeo:  6

Me:  4

Romeo:  2

Me:  wish you were here  <3 <3

Romeo:  me too  <3 

After talking to Alex a bit more and responding to the other Happy New Year texts I got from Becky, Kyle, Dan, Phil, and Lilith I went to Instagram to see the things people posted.  The basic girls I followed posted about their resolutions, Dan and Phil posted a video of their countdown/them kissing, Becky posted a picture of some fireworks with a caption about missing Kyle, and celebrities I liked posted more random stuff.  Overall the night was amazing for me, but I still wanted to be there for Alex.  Especially with school starting again tomorrow.