January 27, 2015
Our first show is tonight and I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm going to die on stage because I have to wear a jacket.
I think people are starting to notice my seperation from the other three and I'm not sure if I should be worried or... I mean they can't really point it out or anything, well they could, but- I don't know where I'm going with this so I'll just stop. Long sleeved shirt tonight I guess. I'll come back after the show.
Holy shit. I'm man-sweating. And that's really gross sweating ,if you didn't know. I need to change, take a cold shower or something. I feel like I'm going to pass out or something. Cold shower it is.
January 28, 2015
Basically I just passed out in my bunk last night right after my shower. One of the best sleeps I've ever had by far, that is until I was yanked awake. Somebody had pulled me up by my wrist, causing me to scream bloody murder in pain and only one person knows about it.
She reopened some cuts when she did that and the, when I was on the ground, she frabbed my wrist once again and dug her nails in my skin. I was wincing and whimpering in pain and she just smirked. I wanted to kick her or something, but she would only complain to Michael.
For my luck, Luke had walked in just then and saw Ruby, digging her nails into me causing her to drop her grip immediately. I was curled up around my arm, hissing at the stinging sensation. Luke chased after Ruby and I quickly ran into the bathroom to clean up the cuts.
I could wrap gauze around it this time without anyone suspecting anything.
I just don't understand why she hates me so much. I didn't do anything to her.
January 29, 2015
I confronted her about it and here it goes, I'll lay out the scene for you.
"Ruby!" I shouted after her and ran to try and catch up. "Ruby," I repeated, almost breathlessly as I stood next to her.
"What?" she snapped.
"I-I just wanted to ask you something." I muttered, suddenly unsure if I should even ask it anymore. She raised an eyebrow expectantly and I took a deep breath and finally asked her.
"Why do I hate you?" she repeated and I nodded as she laughed bitterly. "You're an attention seeking freak with no life." she muttered.
"You're the one without a life, at least I have people that like me." I spit back.
"Like who?" she asked, "Whenever you're not around, the other boys talk shit about you." She said and I felt myself deflate at her words. Do they really do that? "Sure do, all of them. Especially Michael." she said and I could see her hunger for more grow.
"Really?" I whisper, shrinking in on myself.
"Oh yeah, really. He always says you hold back the band, that you aren't even good." she says causing my self confidence to fly away with the dust in the wind.
That went swimmingly. I'm pretty sure I mentioned bloody murder earlier, and I know who I could victimize.
January 30, 2015
I found Michael's actual Christmas gift and handed it to him earlier. He really liked it, just as I knew he would.
I am a good best friend. Right?
January 31, 2014
I'm tired and life is currently boring. We are currently travelling in the bus and I can hear Rubarf and Michael. Every now and then she'd giggle and ew, ew. It's so disgustingly fake, I don't understand how he doesn't know, but honestly I don't think anyone will ever fully understand that boy. Maybe his mother, but I doubt it.
I just lay in my bunk all day, all loser like because I don't feel like getting up. I kind of feel like I've lost all motive to do anything anymore. It's weird.
Something else that's weird is that I haven't heard a peep from Ruby about this journal. I'm nervous.
Februaury 2, 2015
I hate February. Stupid valentine's day and I, once again, am going to be a forever aloner again. I cannot waiiiiit. (Sarcasm heavily noted). So basically I'm going to die a lonely death, in a lonely cemetery, in a lonely town in a lonely country. If you don't get my point, I'm going to be forever alone.
Feelings for Michael have made me a reject.
Everyone sees it.
Ha,
Ha,
Jokes.
February 5, 2015
Yesterday we had a movie night while Ruby went shopping and I cuddled with Mikey on the floor in front of the couch. Of course we watched a scary movie, I hate scary movies. Half the time I was scared as shit so I was practically glued to Michael. He was my giant bear that was keeping me safe. Eventually, I guess I had fallen asleep because Michael woke me up.
Scene, go:
"Cal, wake up." he was shaking my shoulder gently to try and wake me.
"Mikey" I whined, not wanting to walk anywhere. "Carry me." I asked and he nodded slowly and lifted me bridal style. My arms were draped around his neck and my head was buried in his chest as my legs swayed as he walked up the stairs to my room. He laid me down gently in my bed but I didn't let go of him.
"Cuddles." I murmured and he hesitated as I looked at him with tired eyes. "Please, Mikey." I whispered, noticing how close his face was to mine. I feel drunk, everything around me is really fuzzy and I'm not sure what I'm doing.
"No, Calum. Ruby's going to be back soon" he starts to move away but I pull his face down to mine and connect our lips.
He was shockednand didn't kiss back. He pushed me away so I was flat on the bed and looked at me disgustingly.
We haven't talked since then. I just ruined my chance all over again.
Februaury 7, 2015
My dad passed away last night. I'm not doing too well..
February 12, 2015
I got a tattoo in my dad's memory. It's really white-girlish, but when he was in the hospital he wrote to me because I couldn't be there.
"I lUv you, CaL" the letters were capital and some were squiggled off a little at the end but I got it exactly how he wrote it. It's on my collar bone and I'm proud of it. We are currently in Germany I think so there's no way I can get back home and back in time for tonight's show. So I get a tatto and hide away in my bunk.
I don't talk to anyone unless I have to. Even then it's very minimal.
a/n: helllooooooo I was going to update yesterday but then I was like fuck, that'll look like I have no life if i do this but then I fell asleep so yeah thats shit. I got up at fucking 6 this morning which sucked.
also I really want my lip pierced but idk how to ask my mom because I already have my cartilage pierced and she said no face piercings ugh.
anyway Ruby isn't a real person, not in my life anyway and I think I have a far worse potty mouth than you guys like in real life its like every sentence it's real bad anyway hope you like lol sorry for rambling
