March 1, 2015
I couldn't do it. Everything was ready. I had a bottle of pills and a knife sitting on the counter of my sink, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Staring at myself in the mirror, seeing my deep bags and pale face, I realize that I can't. My condition is this bad, imagine my mother. I'm not sure if she could handle losing her husband and her son in such a small amount of time. My reflection doesn't even show how close I am to snapping, how close I am to giving up. I feel so worn out, my emotions are on edge, they're beginning to blur together to where I'm just numb inside. Mali's words kept on ringing in my head on how she doesn't want to bury another family member, as well as the fans.
What kind of role model would I be if I gave in? It's hard to teach people that they're worth something when you don't even believe it yourself. I can't tell them that they're better than self harm if that's basically all i do. I'm so weak and selfish. I'm sorry.
March 2, 2015
Im exhausted. Being on tour is really wearing me out.
March 7, 2015
Everything has been quiet around here. No Ruby, no drama. It's all very strange. The thing is that I can't get the night out of my head when I almost ended it all. I look back at that night with so many regrets. Why couldn't I do it? I shouldn't even be here right now, but I am.
Tour has almost ended for us, just a few more months and we end in June. I can't wait, but I also don't want it to happen.
Also did I forget to mention that when I landed back in Germany and finally turned my phone back on, Michael kept checking in on me?..
March 12, 2015
Everyone is being very, very weird around me. Mikey, Luke, and Ashton have been giving me very weird looks recently and I can't figure out why. Is there something on my face?..
March 16, 2015
Ruby and Michael broke up.
Ruby and Michael broke up.
Ruby and Michael broke up.
Ruby and Michael broke up.
Ruby and Michael BROKE UP.
If only you could see me now. I'm singing to the high heavens, thankin Jesus, and I'm jumping off the walls because thank you Jesus.
He's been kind of mopy and sad when he's walking around the bus, but I know he'll bounce back, he's Mikey. He always does.
March 17, 2014
Michael is finally talking to me again. He's acting like his normal self all over again. Tons of pizza, happy, bubbly, and giggly again. Not to mention cuddly, he used to be really cuddly with us before Ruby and now we can experience that again. All I'm thinking is Thank God.
a/n:hay guys this is a little shorter than usual but you know. I tried not to add as much drama but yaknow
