a/n read authors note at the end pls
March 18, 2015
Michael thinks I'm getting sick again but in all honesty I'm fine. I feel fine, I look fine, I'm fineeee. Fine. We were cuddling esrlier today and all of a sudden he just broke down, like what? He was crying, he was saying how he missed her so much and everything. Honestly, I think he's the only one that does. I tried to comfort him as much as I could, but honestly I was pissed. He knows all of the shit she did to me, yet he still wants to be with her. What the hell is his problem?! Can't he see that I'm the one for him and not her?
May 23, 2015
This isn't in my journal, it's a peice of paper and I'm really freaking out right now because I have no idea where it is!
Oh I should catch you up. A few days after my last journal entry, Michael went and talked to Ruby and they are back together! How wonderful! (I say through clenched teeth)
I hope she falls in a volcano filled with muthafuckin piranhas and sharks so they can eat her on the way down the volcano and while she's in it so she has a terrible after life.
Also, I'd be the one to push her in. Muahaha.
Anyway, any suicidal actions that I had are behind me, (unless you count self harm, then nevermind). For now they are and yep, life once again sucks because of Ruby.
A lot of American fans get out around this time which is cool since we are in the last couple weeks of our tours there. We land in New York in a few hours. Did I mention that we are on a plane? Oops. I'm sat next to some random person because Michael wanted to sit by Ruby and Luke and Ashton are sat next to each other. I honestly didn't want to ruin either of their times together by being a third wheel so I sat by myself.
I don't really want to talk to anyone anyway at the moment. I'm still kind of torn up about my father's death and I know that's probably what they would talk about, or Ruby, or maybe even Michael if it was Luke.
So it's pretty boring right now and I don't know what to talk about..doooodeeedoooo....
I hope I get my own hotel room too, that'd be awesome. I don't want to share with anyone because I like to be alone, and not for that reason. I will slap you.
I also can't wait for tonight's show, it's going to be sick.
May 24, 2015
It was pretty sick, I have to admit. We have two more shows here tomorrow and the next day and then one in Florida, then Nevada, then Colorado, and California. California's our last stop. For now, I sleep.
June 1, 2015
We've had a break the last couple of days and I've mostly kept to myself. Until earlier today when Michael so brilliantly suggested that I find someone since everyone else in the band had. I really really didn't want to go out. The look on Luke's face said he knew I didn't but somehow, Michael convinced me. It has nothing to do with that I like him. Nope.
But we went out clubbing anyway and I sat alone in a booth, denying every girl that came over to talk because I really wanted to go back to the hotel.The one time Michael actually came over to talk to me, he yelled at me. He said to stop turning down every girl I met and I didn't say anything while he spoke. I continued to play with my straw in my drink because he was obviously drunk. But he had gotten so mad he was infuriated with me just because I wouldn't talk to any of the girls that came my way.
He would spit mean, hateful words at me that I just let soak into my skin and heart and then he became even more mad because I wasn't responding the way he wanted me to, like what the hell?! When I finally looked at him, he slapped me, hard across the face causing me to stand quickly and rush away from the booth, after of course, dumping the rest of my drink down his front half. So there I was, pushing and shoving my way through the crowd while wiping tears that continuously flowed down my cheeks. I was pushing and shoving, getting cussed at and every now and then a drink would spill on me, but I finally made it out.
You could imagine how fast I made it back to the hotel.
I'm crying as I write, could you imagine being called things like a bitch and sruff, then being slapped across the face by the one you love? it sucks.
June 2, 2015
Late last night Luke and everyone else got back, so I pretended I was sleeping. "There he is!" they said, "I was so worried!" they said. If they were so worried, they could have called.
June 4, 2015
Ruby has done nothing to me since she's been back, it's really strange. Our last show on this tour is in a couple days and I'm excited.
Still no news on my lost(stolen?) notebook
a/n: hey guys I'm starting a Malum The Fault in Our Stars so if you'd check that out it'd be pretty rad. Also the next update will not be a journal entry, btw.
