The Beautiful & Damned

14 - Apology

apology - /əˈpɒlədʒi/
a regretful acknowledgement of an offence or failure

Gerald and I went to a drive through at the closest McDonalds to get some ice cream. I parked the car on one of the spots at a huge parking lot in the back so we could talk for a while without anyone bothering us.

"So, are you gonna tell me a bit more about why you and your brother treat each other like that?" I started. I left him alone before, never tried to make him tell me anything too personal but this time he owed me an explanation. I was there.

He was looking at the ice cream in his hands, jamming the tiny spoon in it.
"I've never hit my brother before. I mean we argued a whole lot but it never got physical. What's wrong with me?" He buried his face into his palm.

"Nothing is wrong with you. What he said to you doesn't make him brother of the year either. You can't blame yourself." I told him.

"But he's my younger brother, I should be his role model, instead I went and punched him." He was very frustrated, I could tell.

"Look, he lost his father but so did you; it wasn't your fault nor responsibility to raise him and be your father's replacement. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"He was right, it should've been me. Then he would have a fair shot at life, he would succeed just like he was meant to. And he would still have a father." He spat out on the verge of tears.

"Ger! Don't say that! He loves you and he didn't mean what he said; he's just hurting, a lot. Look at me." I said to him. He lifted his chin up, his eyes already a bit teary.
"Everything will be okay, I promise you." I leaned in and put my arm over his shoulders.

"I'm sorry baby, this isn't the long weekend I promised you." He said.

"Don't worry, this is a part of your life and you're a part of mine so... I'm here for you, I'll always be here." I said.

"I love you baby." He said and pressed a kiss on my lips.

"I love you too." I said.
"So what happened to your dad? If you don't mind me asking."

"Nah, I should've told you before, it's just that it's a sensitive subject for me." He explained.

"I understand, it's your thing, it's not for me to ask, it's for you to tell whenever you feel is right." I replied.

"Yeah but you're my girlfriend..." He started. "Uhm, it was a long time ago; I was 14 and James was 10. We were downtown, walking home and when we passed the convenience store it happened. All of a sudden there's this car and it stops in the middle of the road, windows roll down and they start shooting. I didn't even know what to do; dad pushed us both to the ground and covered our heads; I don't remember much."

"Oh my god." I whispered.

"I thought it was over but then I saw blood. Dad was hit. The store clerk called 911 but they couldn't save him. He died on the way to the hospital. There was a drive-by and we were in the wrong place at the wrong time; he was killed by accident." He explained.

"Jesus, I'm so sorry. It must've been terrible for you and James, god." I sighed.

"It was tough, yeah; especially the first year after the incident. J was scared of everyone, every noise similar to a gun shot, his paranoia got pretty bad so I had to escort him to school and back every day. Therapy helped a little but at the end of the day he's still mad and hurting, I can see that. I've tried doing everything to make it easier for him; what else is there?" He looked at me.