The Book of Facepalm

[1] Little Miss Perfect

Okay so the very first thing that came to my mind was this. Please read the following passage carefully.

I looked into my mirror. My eyes were big and light blue, and my long, curly eyelashes framed them. My black eyeshadow matched them perfectly, making the blue in my eyes stand out. My lips were full and rose red. My hair ran down my back in luscious, brown locks. My midnight blue dress hugged my body perfectly, showing off all my curves.

And guess what she said?

"Oh my gosh, I'm so freaking ugly!" I cried, covering my face.

Bitch please.

You call yourself ugly when you're practically a goddess. So what am I?

A space pig?

All the lil miss perfects describing themselves in a mirror have been driving me crazy. I already take a huge drop in my self-esteem when I read the fucking description, but then what do they do?

They call themself fugly.

Yes, I get that in teen fics, the boy will prove to the 'shy, innocent nerd' that she is beauitiful and unique. And in fan-fics 1D are gonna burst into her room and sing 'What Makes You Beautiful' to cheer her up. Yes, I get it.

The girl's description already killed part of me. But when I look at the cast to see who she is played by, what do I see?

Barbara Palvin.

At that moment I was ready to jump into the book, yank the bitch by her hair, point at myself and scream, "Do you have fucking eyes? Do you fucking know how you fucking look like? Do you feel like a goddess after you looked at me? Have you been fucking living under a fucking rock with Patrick Star?"

No joke. Bitch deserved it. Describing your goddess-like looks and then saying you're fugly is the ultimate sin of a girl.

Please, you're beautiful. Don't be so humble. It's a fucking sin to say you're fugly when you do not look like a pig, okay.

Now read this.

The sun shined through the blinds of my curtains as I awoke. I blinked and stretched gracefully, already feeling fully awake and refreshed. I climbed out of bed and made my way elegantly to my bathroom. I looked into the mirror and gasped. My long, curly eyelashes framed my cobalt blue eyes. I pursed my full, red lips and ran a finger over my freckle-less nose. My luscious brown locks fell down in waves down my shoulder.

We stop here.

Two things.

One. Who on earth feels 'fully awake and refreshed' right after they woke up? And seriously, you can't wake up looking like the cover of a freaking teen magazine. Maybe you can. But when I wake up, my eyes are puffy, there's sometimes a saliva streak on my cheek, and my hair looks like that of a cavewoman's.

Okay I exaggerated. But you don't wake up looking like a model.

Two. I am absolutely happy that there is soneone who is finally satisfied with her appearance. Buuut.

Why the heck did you gasp? You've never seen yourself before?

Oh really, you're from the Old Stone Age? Oh em gee I am surprised. But I thought even the people then knew how they looked like.

You were absolutely stunning, chica, but there is absolutely no need to gasp and pretend that you just woke up.

cmonnnnn even when you just got a huge makeover u dont gasp

then y u do this

because u look too fugly when you wake up?

I don't think so.

:/