The Edwards

Fifth Edward.

The Edwards

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You know what I hate?

That I think I'm better than the rest yet weaker. I don't have confidence, but I have the right to have fun and do what I want freely.

My mind is covered in mud, I guess thats why my thoughts could confuse you.

My heart is a charade thats why people never try to love me, never try to understand.

But you did, Edward.

It was like, you planned to plant flowers in the mud of my mind, and make it grow with your feelings. I know, it's a weird metaphor.

You try to guess the gestures that my heart makes until it gets tired and surrenders to you. It's a wonderful thing to like somebody.

After the day of your kiss at the library, I didn't get to see you at all. Maybe because you were sick? Or you didn't come to school? Or maybe you were just hiding away from me..

That thought scared the hell out of me.

It was like, I was afraid that those sweet intoxicating kisses would never come back and was only meant to happen once.

I was afraid that you'd tell your friends about it and laugh as if it was a joke, I was afraid that making Belle Jasse liking Edward was a bet.

I realised that I was scared for you too.

Who knows what could've happened to you? Maybe your family got into a fight, or were sick that you and Alice have to take care of them. I'm scared for you.

Lastly, I didn't realise that I was scared of feeling abandoned. I know I have friends but I just don't believe that someone could make me as comfortable as you.

Could you reasure me that you're safe at the very least?

"Hey, Do you know who that guy is?" My other friend, Pauline, asked me while pointing to a guy in messy uniform.

"Uh.. No?"

"Are you kidding me?"

"I kid you not, and don't raise your eyebrow on me girl."

"Thats Jacob, the hottest and smartest jock in Easton High!"

I don't care who he is, though. Regardless of his reputation in this school, I know he's the same as one of the jocks and famous-ass jerkins.

It seems like a reverse story of the real Twlight ain't it? Bella is a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes named Belle, and Edward is a brown curly haired freckled guy.

And the Jacob, ofcourse, was the blonde haired jock who likes to run around and chase a ball just to impress the whole world and convince them to like him.

"Are you kidding me? Whats with the Twilight names.."

She looked at me in a confused way and asked; "What Twilight names, Belle?"

"Ah, uh- nothing really. Jacob's just a Twilight name right?"

I shook my head and reminded myself that for the meantime you're absent, I'd not think of you or speak of your name.

Thats like, a challenge you know?

I'm the kind of girl who falls inlove quickly, who likes a person and gives her all even when she knows it wouldn't do good.

The kind of broken hearted girl who always wished for a romance and a romancee, the kind who's naíve to the topic of love yet writes about it anyway.

The whole day was a torture, I'd tried my best not to remember or even think of you. I'm silly, It's just a little kiss!

It probably doesn't mean a thing, and you probably will forget about it soon after.

Maybe that's the reason why you're not in school today.

But I know that you're a fool for doing that straight-forward move in the library after reading such a beautiful romantic line.

I wouldn't have gotten hooked on you if you haven't done that, you know.

Now why am I putting the blame on you now? Because I'm trying to convince myself that this is all real. That you did it because you're attracted to me.

It's safe to lie for now, even if you knew the dead truth that he isn't attracted to you. He should be attracted to a Bella, not a Belle.

He should live his life happily without a nuisance, other words me, and he needs someone who's tolerant of his charm.

You know? The charming guy, and the unnaffected girl are always the equal pair. But I, alas, Am very very affected with the way you move.

Because I am a harp, and your words and actions are the fingers that pull the strings of me.

I'm confusing myself, I guess that's what the third Edward does to you. Confuse you, make you miss him, make you remember the days you spent with him.

That Edward was the guy I disliked for now, because he puts my heart and my brain on a dangerous end, and pushes me then pulls me back.

Boy, Why can't you be real as the waking sunrise and the dawning start of the day? Please be real, Edward. Please.