The Edwards

Fourteenth Edward.

The Edwards

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It's morning, and I forgot my name.

No, Not in the literal way. Ofcourse I remember that I'm Belle Jasse (because you always say my full name) and I'm a girl, last I checked.

Let's say, for instance, you woke up and your mind just went vast blank and you try and try to search for a thought but you find yourself swimming in a meaningless pool of dots.

Then you forget your name, your age, your attitude and the way you are. That's it.

I lost myself and I don't know what to think and do.

"Woah there, you look horrid." My brother chimed in, his head popping into my doorway just as I was staring blankly at the mirror.

"Nightmare." I responded flatly, not looking at him.

He nodded and decided to invite me downstairs to breakfast and went down without another word of explination.

"Good morning." Dad said as he smiled and looked up from his bread-making session in the dining table.

"Morning." My throat sore.

"She had another nightmare." Bro said while coming out from the kitchen holding two black cups of hot coffee and hot choco.

"Ah, so what's it about?" Dad inquired, looking at me and placing two breads on my open plate.

I shook my head and struggled to remember, and as far as my thoughts could go, I only remember that it was about you, Edward.

And I think, that it was full of pain and darkness that it literally made me cry in the middle of the night and wake up with gasps of air and puffy red eyes.

"I.. forgot."

"Bummer. I wanted a juicy story coming from your thoughts."

"Dad, I think those stories coming from Belle's mind wouldn't make a good book."

"Eh, atleast my thoughts are more interesting than yours, you maniac."

I stuck my tongue out and bit a piece of my bread with a white salty cheese sandwiched in the middle.

One thing I don't favor about dad prepearing my food is that he puts a gallon of water, the whole rice, and two bread, and gives me a load of vegetables and expects me to eat a banana after.

Come on, My stomach is not that huge.

"Dad, Where's mom?"

"Oh yeah, Hun, can you do me a favor and wake her up? She's sleeping like a koala."

I nodded and ate the last of my cheese sandwich and I went to their room, only to find the place dark and cold (and cozy) and a woman sleeping soundly wrapped in a cocoon.

I kissed her awake and greeted her a good morning, and I told her to wake up. She groaned and told me that she'd be up in an hour or so, and I chuckled and went back to the dining room.

"Still sleeping." I announced and sat down in the table to eat silently.

So yes, that's my family and you get an exclusive peek of them. My brother isn't just a sweet asshole but he's a dumbass too. I think you and him get along, Edward.

The morning passed by with a single text from you saying a greeting that made me want to laugh out my two lungs.

[Edward]: Good morning sweet cheeks, dream of me? :* <3 Reply asap.

But even with your text, I was still lost.

Because yes, the irony, as I dreamt of you. In a horrid manner. I guess dreams and mornings determine the way you feel throughout the whole day.

"I'm going out."

"Okay, just make sure you'll come home safe and non-pregnant, Okay?"

"Dad..."

"What?"

"I'm not like that."

"Yeah, yeah. Take care."

I sighed and waved goodbye, totally not in the mood for my dad's funny and teasing antics. It takes Hercules strength to even talk even if I don't want to.

I escaped the house and decided to go for a bike around the neighborhood. I was tired, and frisky, and frustrated.

Besides those, I want to remember my dream. It's weird to have a good night sleep and wake up the opposite, because I slept with a smile.

Where are we now Edward? We are outside dream land and we are standing foot placed in the dirt gravel on this reality which has a complex theme.

Reality wasn't designed to be understood, It was designed to be explored.

I'm tired Edward, physically and mentally. I lost myself, my conscience isn't speaking to me anymore, and I can't become of what you expected me to be as for I became a bag of blood walking around and doing things animatedly.

And this day, I don't want to see you. Not this day. I miss you and it makes me frightened that I can't live without you. I don't want that.

There's a weak and pitiful side to every strong person, Ed. We're all human beings, some who live and some who just exist.

And please don't be the latter Edward, because you're what's keeping other people alive and going, you turn the existing the living, and that's what you are.

Okay, I'm stopping this writing thing for now, this day. I'm afraid you'll ran away because of the things I have said.

I'm broken and I don't believe I need to be saved at all. I want to do it myself, I don't want to trouble you. Edward, the dream I had of you was terrifying.

While I was rounding the neighborhood, about to go home, It clicked and I remembered it by seeing a rope tied against a tree, holding up a tire as if it's a swing.

And I gulped and biked away.

The dream- It was about you leaving me, and the ending was the end of my life- suicide. I'm scared that will happen, because I don't want to die, but I'm afraid I'm already dead.

The point of this letter here, is for you to see me in a way that you'll never ever see again. I know you'll run away after, I know you will.

But deep inside, I wish you'd stay.

Fourteenth, the one who is reading this, I'm sorry. The one I didn't see, the one I'm having bad dreams of, the one I'm afraid of. And I don't know whether this is about you or me.

Im sorry fourteen, I'm sorry.

- - -

I know you have questions, so let me clarify. This chapter is supposed to be narrated in a third person way due to Belle's jumbled thoughts. I'm figuring though, that if I do that, you'd be more confused, so never the mind.

The Edwards isn't such a story of love. It's a story of two people who try to love even though everything, the world, is against them. Their imperfections, thoughts and emotions, and they learn to love each other despite that.

This isn't the end, just a clarification. I'm sorry if this chapter is pointless, I just wanted this to be a realistic story.

Next update, or perhaps next letter, will be of acceptance and ships like that, I hope you continue reading.