I'll Still Love You (Kaisoo Fanfic)

Chapter 42

Chewed-up fingernails disappeared into Baekhyun's mouth as he nervously bit away at his nails. It was his fault, he knew it. If he hadn't left the house with Chanyeol to go grocery shopping, Kyungsoo wouldn't have disappeared. If he had been smart enough to stay at home and keep Kyungsoo in his sight, he wouldn't be sitting on the couch, worrying his ass off that his best friend vanished after a week of locking himself away in Chanyeol's bedroom.

"Baek, he'll be fine," Chanyeol reassured Baekhyun, but even he wasn't so sure if it would be fine. "Kyungsoo is an adult. He knows what he can and can't do. I'm sure he's safe."

Shaking his head, Baekhyun replied, "You don't know that. We don't know what he could do when he's so depressed. He could be lost somewhere, crying because he can't find his way around and because of Jongin, or worse, he could've hurt himself. You know that people try to harm themselves when they're depressed."

"Kyungsoo may be really heartbroken to the point where it could be labelled as depression, but he's not stupid," Chanyeol claimed. "I may not know him that well, but I'm sure he's okay."

Exhaling deeply and nodding a couple of times, Baekhyun thought to where Kyungsoo would be at a time like this, until a location popped into his mind. "I know this may sound stupid, or maybe even crazy, but to me, it makes sense. What if he went to visit Jongin?"

~~~

Blood trickled down Kyungsoo's knuckles as his fist gradually came to a stop from pounding as his fists slid down the wooden door of Jongin's condo. His butt was still parked outside the condo and Kyungsoo refused to stand up, much less leave. Chanyeol and Baekhyun must've been worrying about him, but he couldn't find it in himself to care at the moment.

All he wanted was for this door to open and for Jongin to run out and tell him that he still wanted him, but no matter how much time he spent sitting there, the door never opened.

It was as if someone had taken a knife and had dragged it down his weak heart. It was now cut open and bleeding, slowly draining every energy in Kyungsoo's body to the point where even closing his eyes hurt and weakened him. He knew it wasn't Jongin's fault. He knew it all too well, but the aching in his heart, the longing, the loneliness were all still there, settling at the pit of his stomach and growing with each day. One of the most normal things after a break-up would be to accept the fact that it was completely over for you and your lover, but Kyungsoo refused to believe that someone could let go of their lover that easily. He could try, but he would never be able to let Jongin go. Never. Jongin hadn't just walked into his life, he had fucking engraved himself in Kyungsoo's heart, brain, soul and left his prints all over Kyungsoo's body, and no amount of soap or even bleach could wash away all the traces of Jongin that were left on his body.

Everytime Kyungsoo checked himself in the full length mirror that sat in the corner of Chanyeol's bedroom, all Kyungsoo could see were the fading love bites that adorned his neck and his thighs and his chest, all evidence of how Jongin had loved him. He could still feel Jongin's soft lips on his own, feel his fingers running up and down his hips and feeling every inch of his chest and resting on his waist, and he could even hear Jongin's deep voice whispering words of love into his ear while he tried to sleep.

But now, Jongin had just become a figure of his past, leaving him with only their memories to hold onto. Each day that passed, the memories grew fainter and fainter in his mind, until he was unsure of whether they had actually happened or if they had just been in his dream the night before, but his puffy, bloodshot eyes with heavy bags under them and the rumbling in his stomach each told him that it had been real.

At points, Kyungsoo wished they had only been a dream.

Faint footsteps echoed in the hallway, but for a second, Kyungsoo thought they were coming from inside the condo and that Jongin was finally going to open the door for him, until he perceived that the footsteps were very clear, and they were rushed.