The River Speaks

Chapter Twenty One: Jackie

Chapter Twenty One: Jackie

My truck rolls to a stop in front of a few townhouses.
"What did you tell your Mom about me?" I ask.
"Not much. She's probably going to want us to date though. She thinks I'm going to die alone."
A woman with blonde hair comes out of one of the townhomes.
"And there's my Mom." I unbuckles his seatbelt and pushes open the door.
I get out behind him.
His Mom is texting away on her phone.
"Mom!" He calls.
She looks up and smiles, stuffing her phone in her pocket.
"Aiden." She walks over to us and pulls him into a hug. He hugs her back, and when she pulls away she turns to me. "And you must be Lily. It's so lovely to meet you. I'm Jacqueline. You can call me Jackie."
"It's nice to meet you." I say, accepting her hug.
Jackie turns to Aiden.
"She's pretty. Are you guys dating?"
"Mom, I already told you we're not." Aiden says.
"Well hopefully you will. Let's go inside. It's cold."
She stops by her mailbox and Aiden gets our bags. I follow him inside.
The townhouse is small. Two bedrooms and one bathroom. It's kind of cluttered too, and some people walk past the townhouses looking around.
I can tell we're in the bad part of Philadelphia.
"Mom," Aiden starts.
"Don't go telling me to move again, Aiden." She says. "I've lived here a long time. The only person I worried about robbing me was you."
"If you'd just move to Massachusetts-"
"I'm not moving." She says sternly. She turns her attention to me and smiles.
"So Lily, where are you from? You have a southern accent."
"I'm from Kentucky." I say.
"Born and raised?" She asks.
"Yes. I've lived in the same house my whole life."
"Any siblings?" She wonders.
"A brother and two sisters."
"Are you guys close?"
"Yeah." I nod.
"Do you want to move back there when you get married?"
I smile. "Yes."
She nods slowly.
"Aiden, did you hear that? Would you be willing to move to Kentucky?"
"Mom." Aiden says. "Lily and I are just friends."
She rolls her eyes.
"Alright. You won't be saying that in six months."

*****

I watch the rain patter against the back patio of Aiden's Mom's house.
I woke up from a nightmare and I started crying so I left Aiden's room. He only had a twin bed and after we argued for a half hour about who was sleeping where, he made a bed on the floor and laid down on it. I spent the next ten minutes nudging him trying to get him to get up, but he refused.
He's still sleeping and I'm trying to calm myself down.
There was one really bad night a year ago with Elliot when he told me to make his favorite meal for dinner. On the way to the table, I slipped on a towel he had dropped on the floor and left there and I spilt the food.
He told me I was a fuck up and stood above me nailing me in the ribs.
I remember crying and pleading for him to stop, promising I would make him more and I would never do it again.
My nightmare last night was of the same thing.
Only it wasn't Elliot kicking me.
It was Aiden.
I keep trying to tell myself that Aiden would never do that.
That's not who he is. I know that.
But the fear will always be there.
I want to trust. I wish i could get rid of Elliot. I wish I never met him.
I'm never going to get married because I'm never going to trust somebody.
I do trust Aiden though, but i trust him as a best friend.
I could never trust him as something more than that.
"Is there a reason you're standing in my kitchen at three in the morning crying?" Aiden's Mom asks behind me.
Her voice is gentle.
"Uh, I'm not crying." I lie horribly.
The light comes on and she walks over to where I'm standing.
"You're right. Puffy eyes and tears means you're laughing." She smiles gently. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I clear my throat.
"Not really." I stuff my shaky hands in the pocket of my sweatpants.
She nods a little.
"Is this about Elliot?"
Just his name makes me flinch.
"How do you know about him? Did Aiden-"
"Aiden would never tell somebody's business without permission." She says. "But you told Olivia, and Olivia told me. What was it? A nightmare?"
"Yes." I sniffle.
"But that's not why you're crying."
God, she's good.
I shrug and sit down at the table, running my fingers through my hair.
"What is it? You can talk to me sweetie."
"Uh," I don't want to say it, but she has two kids and she just looks like somebody you can really talk to.
Just the kindness in her eyes makes me want to trust her.
"When I was a little girl, I used to see images in my mind of me on a farm with my own kids and my husband. Or a pumpkin patch in October. I imagined having my horse pull a hay trailer on Halloween so our kids could go trick-or-treating around our town without having to walk."
She smiles at my fake memories and nods, urging me to say more.
"Now though, when I try to think of those moments, it's just...black. It's like it doesn't exist in my mind anymore." I take a shaky breath. "Elliot took everything from me, and I want to take it back but I don't know how. I'm terrified of trusting any man. The only guy that I trust that I'm not related to is Aiden, but if he even tried to start something that would lead to us being more than friends...I-" I cut off. "I don't know what I would do."
Her eyes study me for a long time.
"Sweetheart, somebody is going to come along, and maybe he already has, and they're going to fight for you. You'll probably already be in love with them when it happens, but one day you're going to wake up and realize you're done hiding. And maybe you won't. Maybe it'll take some huge gesture on the guy's part to make you realize how much you really do love them. You will find somebody." She takes my hands in hers. "You just need to find somebody who makes everything from the past not matter anymore."
"Maybe you're right." I whisper. "But I don't want just some fling. I want somebody who is going to be loving and caring. I hate myself for waiting for a ring to prove I'm not alone."
"You want somebody to spend your life with. You want somebody who makes everything else not matter. You want somebody you would move mountains for. I get it." She pats my hand. "But Lily, you're going to find that. You have to be patient."
"I've been patient." I whisper painfully. "I'm not getting any younger!"
"It could happen tomorrow. A month from now. Who knows where you'll be in a year? You could be in a serious relationship with a person who you don't need to have sex with to be intimate. Just laying in bed playing with each other's hands could be enough. You could be in a relationship with the father of your children. You never know."
She's right.
I sigh, nodding. I wipe at my tears and sniffle.
"Thank you." I whisper.
She pats my cheek.
"You're welcome. Now go back to bed. We have an early flight."
I nod and stand up, walking towards the stairs.
I pause at the last second and turn to her.
"Please don't tell anybody about this. Especially not Aiden. He's just going to worry."
"I won't say a word." She draws an X over her heart.
Nodding, I turn around and go back upstairs.
I go into Aiden's old bedroom and shut the door quietly.
I slip on something on the floor and go crashing down, landing hard on top of a warm object that I know is Aiden. My forehead slams against his chest and I groan.
"What the..." he mumbles, half awake.
"I'm sorry." I whisper. "I tripped."
His hand reaches out, resting on my hip.
"Are you okay?" He mumbles.
"I'm fine. Go back to sleep." I whisper.
I get back in bed, pulling the covers over me.
He moves around for a minute.
"Lily why were you out of my room anyways?" He mutters.
I hesitate.
"Because." I mumble.
Why can't you be better at lying on the spot? Loser.
"Because why?"
He sounds more awake than he did a moment ago.
"I was um...taking a shower."
"Your hair hit my face and it was dry." He says.
I hear him moving around and then light floods the room.
I immediately pull the blanket over my face, but it's too late. I hear him move closer and he tugs at the blanket, his eyes landing on my face.
"Why were you crying?"
"Oh, I wasn't crying. It's just my makeup is smeared-"
"You rarely wear makeup." He says. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"Was was the matter?"
"Please drop it."
He sighs.
"I'm not comfortable dropping it. Are you okay?"
"Yes, I had a nightmare."
"Are you lying?"
"No."
"Stand up."
"Why?" I sigh.
"Because I said."
"You can't tell me what to do." I say.
"Please stand up." He says. "I'm not trying to be bossy, but please stand up."
I sigh slowly and push the covers off of me, forcing myself to my feet.
He walks over to me and stops in front of me, looking down at me.
"I'm standing." I say quietly.
He wraps his strong arms around me, pulling me into his chest. He's warm and my eyes fill with tears as he hugs me.
After a moment he pulls away.
"Good?" He asks.
I nod.
Pleased, he pulls away and shuts the light off.
I climb back in bed and wipe my tears with my hand, staring into the darkness.
"Aiden?" I murmur.
"Yes?" He asks.
"Thank you for being one of the only people outside of my family who actually cares if I'm okay."
"You don't have to thank me." He says.
And again, I start wondering if he has feelings for me.
I shake my head to myself.
There's no way.

*****

The story is about to get realllllly good :D
~Sam