The River Speaks

Chapter Forty Six: Shutting Me Out

Chapter Forty Six: Shutting Me Out

I spent the next two hours pacing around my house on the phone with everyone from my Mom to Jackie to Reese to Andrew to all three of my siblings, and then Jackie gave Olivia my number who called me, and then Olivia gave Michael my number, who now knows that Aiden and I are engaged, to which he seemed happy.
But that's not the point.
It's been two hours and I haven't heard a word. Two hours of pacing. Two hours of worrying. Two hours of trying to call Aiden and getting the voicemail. His location won't show up.
My phone is charging and glued to my hand and I'm waiting for a phone call from a hospital or something.
My hands are shaking and I've decided if I don't hear anythino, I'm going to walk my sassy ass into the police department myself and demand answers.
I gave myself an hour.
It's been fifty minutes.
It's like nine thirty and I've left the TV on in case the news figures out what the hell happened. Everyone that I've spoken on the phone with is staying awake until they get answers.
Fifty minutes is close enough.
I stand up, and just as I reach for my car keys, my front door opens and Aiden walks in.
"Oh thank god." I rasp, sprinting across my apartment to him. My arms wrap around his waist and I bury my face in my shoulder. "Are you okay?" I ask, pulling away. "Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine." He says quietly.
He doesn't look fine. He doesn't sound fine.
"I'm going to take a shower." He mumbles.
I don't question him, I just let him go and start texting.
I start with Jackie.
Me: Aiden is safe, he's with me
I send the same message to Michael, Olivia, Andrew, Reese, May, April, Noah, and my Mama. I don't send it to my Daddy because everyone else is going to tell him anyways.
He walks into my living room stark naked.
"Lock your door." He says. "Bottom and the top."
I go lock the door and then follow him into the bathroom.
"Did you eat?" I ask him.
"I'm not hungry." He says.
"Lovebug, you should eat." I say gently.
I hear him sigh.
"Okay."
I turn to go, but he's just standing in front of the tub kind of staring at it.
Hesitating, I turn back around.
"How about I sit in here with you." I offer.
He shakes his head slightly, but I walk over to him and put my hand on his arm.
"I'll stay." He whisper.
He looks down at me and his eyes are shining like he's going to cry. He swallows and nods.
"Okay." He whispers.
I sit down on the toilet seat, and he just kind of stands there.
"W-" he swallows. "Will you get in with me?"
"Sure." I say.
"But I don't want to do anything." He mumbles.
"We aren't." I respond.
He looks like he needs a hug.
I remove my clothing and pull back the curtain.
He finally steps into the shower and I guide him under the spray. It's so hot that I jump out of the way.
I turn the temperature down slightly so it's more bearable, and then I grab his shampoo.
"I love you." He whispers. I put my hand on my chest.
"I love you, too." I say softly. "Everything is okay, okay?"
He just presses his lips together and nods.
I have him bend down so I can wash his hair and then I guide him under the spray to wash it out. I use his body wash and wash his body, and then i move him around to dry him.
"Are you washing?" He mumbles.
"I took a shower this morning." I say.
"I want to wash your hair." He reaches out to touch my brown hair that's resting on my breasts.
"Okay." I say.
We switch spots and he wets my hair and puts shampoo in his hand, and then he has me stand there while he lathers it into my hair.
After a minute or so, he guides me under the spray and gets all the soap out. He uses conditioner next, and lets it sit while he washes my body.
He's so gentle and careful.
"Do you like your job?" He asks me suddenly.
"Nope." I say. "It's only temporary."
He doesn't respond, he just rinses the soap out of my loofa and washes the conditioner from my hair.
We get out together and we both get towels and dry off.
Once we're dry, I get him some sweatpants and boxers from my drawer and I pull on a pair of panties and a t-shirt.
We go out to the living room and I lead him to the kitchen and preheat the oven to make him an oven pizza. I get him some Hawaiian fruit punch because it's his favorite juice, and then I sit down across from him.
"I'm worried about you." I say softly.
"I'm okay." He says, and he manages to smile a little at me, but it's only a half smile. "We got called to the scene because a neighbor heard a baby crying. When we showed up, the entire house smelled like marijuana, but they let us inside and it was a meth house. We took the kid because, duh, it's a two year old being raised by a bunch of drug addicts, and they started to freak out and pulled guns. We ended up outside and on opposite sides of the streets and I was crouched behind a cop car with a screaming two year old baby girl who was wearing only a diaper and Jackson was shooting back at them and the girl was so terrified. I was hiding the whole time and they kept taking down our men. Anybody else who tried to get on the scene was shot at so it was me, Jackson, and three other guys. The three others got shot and there was two left and Jackson got one but he couldn't get eyes on the last one." I take a deep breath. "And I knew he was shooting at cars but I was holding the kid." He shakes his head. "And i peeked over through the window of the car i was hiding behind and I saw the truck you drive, same color with a sticker like yours on the back and the guy started shooting at it and I...something just flicked in my mind and I handed the baby to Jackson and ran. I had so much adrenaline." He shut his eyes. "Lily, he pulled the trigger when we were wrestling for the gun." He whispers. "And I felt the bullet go through my hair."
I get up and move to the other side of the table, taking both of his hands in mine.
"Oh, baby." I whisper softly, kissing his knuckles.
He looks at me with tears in his eyes.
"They could've killed a two year old. And I thought he was going to kill you. If I moved an inch, one inch, I would be dead."
I feel a few tears roll down my cheeks and I reach up to run my fingers through his damp hair.
"You're not baby, the kid is safe, you're safe, I'm safe-"
"How do you think the other officers feel? What about their wives? Their children?"
My heart shatters when a few tears roll down his cheeks.
"What if that was your truck? What if you were getting shot at? What if you got shot? Or me? What if we have kids and one of us gets shot?"
"Don't say that." I say softly. "Nobody is getting shot."
"We're not safe here. Don't you see it? You lock the doors when you're driving when somebody walks down the street because you think he's going to try to get in your car at a stoplight. That's not safe. What if he asks for money and you say no? What if he's armed?"
"Oh, Aiden-"
"You know, all I could think about the entire time I was sitting there with that baby was, what if this was my kid?"
I lean forward to kiss his shoulder.
"I can't do this job. Not here." He shakes his head.
"You're going to quit?" I ask gently.
"No. I'm going to transfer."
I hesitate.
"Lovebug-"
"I want to move to Crittenden. Now. We'll have people we know all over the place. Your family will be everywhere. We can be safe. You guys don't even use the locks on your houses. The locks in your Dad's truck don't even work. You could leave a million dollars in the bed of your Dad's truck completely exposed and nobody would take it."
"Well there are a few sketchy people-"
"Yes." He says. "But you don't lock doors because you don't have to."
He's not wrong. The locks on my parents' house have literally never been used.
"You love Boston." I whisper.
"I love Crittenden." He replies. "I'm not controlling, Lily. You have a choice. But I am going to ask you," he turns his whole body to me. "Please put in your two weeks."
I don't really have to be convinced to move to Crittenden, but I don't want him to jump into something he's going to regret.
I kiss his shoulder a couple of times, and then his cheek.
"I want you to think about this for a little while, okay?" I murmur. I put my hand on his bicep and rub it gently. "If you still want to move next Friday, I'll put in my two weeks."
"That means we'll be here for three more weeks." He says. "I want to leave tomorrow."
"Lovebug," I say softly. "Just take some time to think about it."
"I'm not thinking about it. I'm certain."
He seems a little frustrated.
"Why can't you just support me?" He continues.
"I do support you." I reply. "I love you, I just don't want you rushing into something."
He drops his head onto the table.
"Lily, I almost got shot in the head today because I thought some drug guy was trying to kill you." He stands up.
"I know." I say quietly.
"If you don't support me, then...then-" he shakes his head and walks off. He gets his clothes from my bathroom and goes walking to the back door in just his sweatpants.
"Aiden," I say calmly.
"I want to be alone." He says.
He walks out the door.
I follow him out into the hallway.
"Aiden," I try again.
"No Lily. I want to be alone." He hits the button for the elevator.
"Do you want me to come over later?" I ask patiently.
"No." He says.
"Okay." I say. I don't take offense to it. He's allowed to have a breakdown after the night he's had. "I love you."
The elevator door opens.
"I love you too." He says.
He gets on and I stand there until the doors shut again.
My phone starts ringing inside of my apartment, so I turn around and go back inside.
I lock the door and walk over to my phone.
It's Michael, Aiden's father.
Sighing, I press answer.
"Hello?" I ask.
"How is he?" He asks. "Is he okay? He didn't get shot, did he?"
"He's alright. He almost got shot in the head. He said he felt the bullet go through his hair."
He's quiet for a minute.
"He almost died." He says finally.
"Yeah." I whisper. My chest hurts just thinking about it.
That would never happen in Crittenden. The only time a gun goes off there is if somebody is hunting.
"Listen Lily, Olivia, Owen and I want to come to Boston to see Aiden. I knew you two were dating but I never realized how serious it was. I'm glad you're engaged. I want to come see you guys. Is Aiden okay with that?"
"Aiden isn't here." I say.
"I thought he was with you." He says.
"He left." I reply.
"Why?"
"He's just having a hard time right now. He needs space."
"You're not worried?" He wonders.
"Of course I am." I reply. "But he just needs some space. I'm not going to push it. He'll come to me when he's ready."
"You really love him." He says.
"I would do anything for him." I reply.
It's almost eleven and tomorrow is Saturday, but I'm tired.
"I'm going to head to bed." I tell him. "Don't worry about Aiden, okay? He's resilient. He's going to be fine."
"Okay." He says. "Goodnight."
"Goodnight."

*****

I tossed and turned for two hours before I gave up.
Now I'm lying in bed worried about him.
This is ridiculous.
We're getting married. If he's having a hard time, I need to be with him.
I throw the covers off of me and stand up. I pack a bag, grab the keys to my truck, and walk out of my apartment in my pajamas. I lock the door and take the elevator down to the parking lot.
If he wants to shut me out, fine.
But I'm not leaving his side.
If it was switched, he would probably sit outside of my apartment all night.
So I'm going over there and I'm going to love him the way that he deserves.

*****