The River Speaks

Chapter Forty One: I'm Sorry I'm Psycho

Chapter Forty One: I'm Sorry I'm Psycho

The nurse looked like she was going to freak out when I rolled up my sleeve.
Now I'm sitting in a hospital bed while a nurse puts an IV in my arm.
"Is there somebody you want us to call?"
"Actually can you get my phone?" I point to my purse.
One of the other nurses gets my phone and I tell her the password and have her call my Mom.
I'm feeling a bit lightheaded as I listen to my phone ring, and a moment later it stops.
"Hello?"
"Hey Mama." I say. "Listen, everything is fine but I had a little accident and I'm in the hospital."
"What?" She sounds alarmed. "What hospital? What happened?"
"I'm at Boston Medical center and I got cut with some glass. It's bleeding pretty bad but I'll be fine."
"Where did you get cut? Do you want me to come out there?"
"On my arm. I'm fine Mama, I'm going to get stitches."
"Okay." She sounds concerned. "Is Aiden with you?"
I think of telling Aiden.
"No, Aiden is busy right now. It's just a cut. I'm not going to bother him with it."
"Okay." She says. "Call me the moment you get home."
"Okay.
"Oh, and Lily?" Mama asks.
"Yes?"
"If it was switched and Aiden was in the hospital, you would want to know."

*****

I did want to call him, but lately it feels like he never gets to hang out with his friends.
I can't remember the last time he hang out with Reese alone. He's always with me.
I don't want to keep burdening him with my problems.
I have a bandage covering the entire inside of my arm. I went to the store after I left the hospital and I got gloves.
I cleaned the rest of the glass up and I'm really tired. The doctor told me to take it easy, so now I'm laying on my couch, staring at my bandaged arm.
Mama's voice keeps ringing through my head and I know I need to tell Aiden I was in the emergency room today.
If it was switched and he didn't tell me, I would be mad.
I glance at the time on my phone screen and see it's only seven.
I don't want to seem clingy, but I really think I should tell him.
I decide to text him.
Me: hey I'm sorry to bug you but I just want you to know that I had to go to the emergency room earlier. I'm fine, I figured you'd want to know because if it was switched I would have wanted to know. I'm sorry-
Before I can send the message, my front door opens and he comes walking into my apartment.
His eyes wander around for a moment.
"Hey, how are-" he cuts off, his eyes squaring in on my forearm. "What happened?" He shuts the front door and walks over to me.
"I was just about to text you." I sit up.
"What happened?" He asks.
"It's okay, I got cut on some glass and had to go to the hospital-"
"You were in the hospital?" He asks. "Why didn't you call me? Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, I had to get stitches."
He kind of stands in front of me for a moment.
"What's going on?" He asks finally.
"What do you mean?" I stand up.
"Well first you want me to ditch though at the door so you can hide the fact that you had a mental breakdown, and then you end up in the emergency room and I don't even get a text? Why are you shutting me out?"
"I'm not shutting you out."
"Yes you are." He says. "Can you imagine if I was in the hospital? What if I was doing what you've been doing."
"Aiden," I try.
He shakes his head and runs his fingers through his hair.
"I was going to ask if you wanted to come over to meet Tucker, but it's fine. I'll just go home."
"Aiden, don't leave."
"I have laundry to do anyways." He says. He leans in and kisses my cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too." I mumble.
Without another word, he turns around and walks out.
Groaning, I sit down on the couch and bury my head in my hands.
Why do I always fuck up? Why does he get to be so perfect?

*****

I spent about ten minutes trying to force myself to be mad at Aiden so I wouldn't have to blame myself, but I gave up because it's not Aiden's fault.
I should have told him. I made the choice not to. Now he's mad.
He has every right to be mad, and now I'm just mad at myself for hurting him.
Again.
Now I stand at Walmart, wandering around the store trying to find something to make it up to him.
I decide to get him a ton of snacks and I pick out a blank card and a couple of markers.
I wander over to the pet area and get some treats for Tucker, and then I pay and go sit in my truck and write on the card.
On the front, I write,
I'm sorry I'm psycho
On the inside I want to put something funny but I decide to just write down my feelings.
Lovebug,
I'm sorry I tried to get you to ditch me at my door today. It's not that I didn't want you to come inside, I just felt ashamed for trashing my apartment, and I didn't want you to feel responsible.
I feel terrible about not telling you I was in the hospital. I don't really have a good reason as to why I didn't. I kind of feel like it bothers Reese that I'm always with you guys when you hang out. I mean, doesn't he want guy time? You two haven't hung out alone in months and I just wanted you to have a chance to. I didn't want to jump in and ruin any chance you had with him.
Now I feel like I'm making excuses and I'm probably insecure. I really do love you and I'm sorry I keep fucking up
I sign my name at the bottom and then draw a smiley face with yellow and black markers on the right side of the card.
I go back inside and get Aiden and stuffed bear, and then I get a basket and go back to my truck after paying.
I put all of his chips and candies in the basket with the bear sitting up, and I position the bear so he's holding the card.
I head down the street to Aiden's house.
I go up the elevator to his apartment.
I set the basket down, knock, and then run, hiding by the elevator.
I don't move.
I hear a door open and the jingling of a collar, and then a door shuts again.
Around a minute later, my phone vibrates.
Lovebug: where did you go
Lovebug: come back the doors unlocked
I hesitate, holding the box of dog treats in my hand. The edge of the box is digging into my arm and I flinch.
I put my phone in the pocket of my jeans and open the box.
Right when I open the door, Tucker jumps up from his spot by Aiden and comes running at me.
"Tucker." Aiden runs after him, but I crouch down to meet him.
Instead of him growling, he begins to sniff me, his nose lingering on my bandage.
I give him a couple of treats and he eats them, and then he licks my cheek.
Standing up, I shut the door and set the box of treats on the counter.
Tucker follows me, sniffing my jeans.
"I want to see your cut." Aiden says.
Sighing, I sit down at the table and peel back the bandaid. He gently grabs my arm to inspect it.
"Lily, you could have cut a vein."
"I know." I look at him. "I'm sorry."
He gently puts the bandaid back down.
"I'm not mad." He says finally, taking both of my hands in his. "And I know that the only real relationship you had was with Elliot so you don't really know how this kind of stuff works, but we're a team, okay? Day or night, you call me and I'm there. I don't care what plans I have. And the same goes for me. If I need you, I'm going to call. You're my best friend."
I sigh slowly and nod.
"Okay."
"No I was going to go out to dinner with the guys, but you can come, or we can stay here."
"Whatever you want to do."

*****

I'm doing a time skip next chapter because I can lol
~Sam