The River Speaks

Chapter Thirty One: A Key

Chapter Thirty One: A Key

I told my family I loved them, that I might miss Christmas because I refuse to come back without Aiden, and then I thanked them and asked May to take me to the airport.

And then I got on the next flight to Boston.

I'm trying to avoid sleeping because when I sleep, I see Aiden.

When somebody bumps into me, I think of how Aiden got super close to me when he had me blindfolded to go horseback riding.

Everything I do, everything I think of, every second awake or asleep, my mind is on Aiden.

I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts to be awake.

I sight when my eyes fill with tears.

So this is really heartbreak. Crying all the time and feeling like you physically can't talk above a whisper.

I put my luggage above my head so I already have it with me.

I exit the airport and flag down a cab.

When the driver stops, I get in.

I tell him my address and sigh, my hand in a fist in Aiden's jacket.

It smells like him. Kind of like aftershave, and a little homey too, like his house.

Just the scent makes me want to start sobbing.

I hold it together for the ride until the driver stops, and then I pay him with a tip since I'm thrilled he didn't try to talk to me.

I rush inside my apartment building to the door, digging my keys from my pocket.

I unlock it and push the door open.

"Please tell me you came here. Please tell me you came here."

I check my bedroom, bathroom, living room.

Nothing.

"Fuck!" I hit the coffee table, hard, and walk to the kitchen.

Sitting on the kitchen counter is one single object.

A key.

Aiden's key to my apartment.

I stand there and stare at it.

He left the key.

He left the key even though he can pick the lock.

Him leaving the key means he's not planning on coming here.

He's not coming back.

His words, yet again, ring around in my head.

Lily, if you take the key, I'm picking the lock.

You don't mean it. Say you don't mean it.

You're going to regret this. You're going to wake up one day and realize that you just made the biggest mistake of your entire life. And you're going to be alone. I'm not going to be there. I'm not going to be the shoulder for you to cry on. I'm not going to be the one to save you.

When I back out of this driveway, I'm not coming back.

I stumble for the kitchen table to sit, but my knees buckle halfway there and my back slides down the front of the counter with the key to my apartment clutched in my hand.

What have I done?

I can hear his words echoing around my mine. I can hear his laugh. I can feel his hands on my skin.

And I know if I sat here and cried for three months straight, he wouldn't come over to help me off the ground.

I did this. I hate myself.

I hate everything. I hate Elliot. I hate him.

I start crying again, but this time I skip my eyes welling up and go straight to sobbing. With a frustrated scream, I throw the key he left as hard as I can. It hits the wall and falls behind the couch.

Pissed and shaking, I stand up, tears blurring my vision, and I open the cabinet.

I pull one of the plates out and let it fall to the floor, and another and another until my kitchen floor is glass. I run to the coffee table and flip it over, shove the couch across the room, get pissed when it's hard to move because of the carpet, and then just flip it over. I rip the sheets off my bed, crying harder than I have in years.

I feel sick.

I start gagging on nothing and stumble into the bathroom, throwing up what little I've eaten, and then I sit on the floor of the bathroom, and sitting turns into laying, and then I lie there, staring at the open door and into my trashed apartment. My arm is under my head and I can smell Aiden on his jacket.

After a long time, I crawl to the living room and feel against the wall. It's dark because I laid in the bathroom so long that the sun went down. Plus, I broke the lamp.

My hand hits something small and metal and I know I found the key.

I raise the cold metal to my lips and lie there, letting Aiden's jacket keep me warm.

I use the flashlight on Aiden's phone to find my own and plug it in to charge.

When it powers on, I unlock it and text Reese.

Me: its lily if you hear from Aiden you can call my phone I'm back in boston

Reese: ok but did you go home and find anything?

I shut my eyes for a minute.

Me: he left the key i gave him

Reese: you do know he knows how to pick any lock

Me: yes if he left the key it means hes not planning on picking the lock. It means he's done

Reese: he's only done because he thinks you're done

I nod slowly.

Reese: so what are you gonna do

Aiden will come home eventually.

But when is eventually? Tomorrow? A week? Two?

No. I can't wait that long. I need to find him.

Me: I'm going to philadelphia

He reads the message.

Reese: youre going to look for him?

Me: I'm not coming back to Boston without him. If he comes back or you hear from him, you have to tell me. And tell him i love him and I'm sorry

Reese: okay, good luck

I stand up, sighing quietly.

Looks like I'm getting on another plane.