I Don't Do Sadness // Jyrus

dispirited

"Hey, Cyrus," Andi smiled as she sat down in their first class.

Cyrus hadn't walked to school with them that day, claiming that he had a meeting with a teacher early in the morning. He was actually grounded, his step-mother and father getting strict instructions from his mother to make sure he doesn't leave their sight. Apparently, now that he was a man and fresh out of the closet, his mom though that he'd be throwing himself at all of the boys in the city.

Cyrus had enveloped himself into his big sweater and was staring at a certain place of his desk. He nodded in response to Andi, not looking up at the two girls standing in front of him. Buffy gave Andi a glance, both of them staring down at the top of Cyrus' messy mop of a head resting on his hands.

It was strange to have seen him so angry last week, so happy that weekend, and now so sad in front of them.

It was strange for Cyrus, too. He didn't know what was going on. Some days he'd be so happy and other days he was just tired and sad with no motivation to do anything. And today was one of those days.

He was able to sleep in since he was getting a ride to school, but his eyelids still clung onto sleep. He wore a sweater to isolate himself from everyone else and enclosed himself inside of it. And he was going to his mother's house that night, so he had nothing to look forward to.

He didn't move for the entire class. This wasn't really unusual for Cyrus, considering his recent behavior, but he always claimed that that was because he was just stressed about his Bar Mitzvah. Now that it was over, it was clear to the girls that it was something more than that. And they knew what it was.

At his dad's house, Cyrus was fine. Things kept going on like how they used to. But, it wasn't the same for Cyrus. He felt the distance between him and his father. Cyrus just stayed in his bedroom all weekend because he didn't want to bother his parents, feeling like he was already too much of a bother. His mother had called last night and Cyrus was able to hear their conversation. She was telling his father that it was his fault that Cyrus was gay, exposing him to too much. She said that she wanted Cyrus for the rest of the week and it was obvious that they shouldn't try to fight her about it.

After class, Cyrus quickly got up and went out the door, ignoring the girls calling for him and ignored the for the rest of the day. In lunch, though, he couldn't really escape them.

They sat down opposite him, smiling behind their lunch trays. Cyrus didn't have anything in front of him, just the bare table to look at.

"Not hungry?" Buffy asked him, to which Cyrus just nodded.

"Oh my gosh," Andi sighed, "I completely forgot to tell you!"

Cyrus looked up at her and Andi continued her story in between bites of chicken. "Jonah came to my house after your party and asked me to be his girlfriend."

Cyrus felt his body tense up. Those words felt like a knife stabbing his heart. He nodded at her and took deep breaths to calm himself. "He's so annoying," Andi dragged on. "Like one day, he says that we weren't dating, and then the next day, he wants to date again."

"What did you say?" He croaked.

Buffy looked up, surprised to hear him speak. But of course, it was because they were talking about Jonah. Andi just ignored the astonishment from Buffy and said, "I said sure."

She looked back down to her food and Cyrus maintained eye contact with the top of her head. He felt his blood boil. "But you don't like him," he said to her.

She looked back up to him, now stunned. "Well I do like him-" Cyrus cut her off by saying, "But not in that way."

Buffy started to realize what was going on inside of him. Cyrus really liked Jonah. He soaked up all of the time they had together. And Andi didn't.

Cyrus liked Jonah for who he really was. Because he was goofy, and nice. Andi just liked him because of dimples.

Cyrus and Jonah did things together, for each other. From frisbee to suit shopping. Andi and Jonah argue about what to do together and never have a good time.

Andi just said, "Um," as she looked to Buffy. But Buffy wasn't looking at her, she was looking at Cyrus and watching him walk away. She couldn't hear what Andi was saying to her and couldn't see her grab her arm and pulling her back down to the table. Buffy had stood up and followed Cyrus out of the cafeteria.

Cyrus had stormed out with tears in his eyes and ran into TJ, who was out on a library pass. TJ had only greeted Cyrus and asked what was wrong when Buffy walked over and scared him away.

TJ turned and watched Cyrus walk quickly into the bathroom. Buffy had stopped in her tracks and watched him walk away, too. TJ asked her, "What's wrong with him?"

She sighed and told him, "Boy problems," being cautious of saying "Jonah" in case Cyrus hadn't told TJ yet. She didn't see any reason why he wouldn't. He told TJ everything.

She pushed her hands into the back pockets of her jeans and said, "Did you ever ask him what was bothering him the other day?"

TJ started holding onto the straps of his backpack and said, "Yeah."

There was silence before Buffy went, "And-?"

TJ shook his head and said, "I can't say."

"What do you mean you can't say? The whole point of you asking was so that you could tell me and I could fix him." Buffy fired back to him.

TJ gestured back to the bathroom. "You can't fix him!" He yelled at her. "You just make him runaway all of the time."

Cyrus sat against the door of the bathroom, hearing their entire conversation. It sounded like his parents. And TJ was right. No one could fix him.