I Don't Do Sadness // Jyrus

bleakness

A few weeks had passed and nothing had gotten better. Except for his cuts, those had healed.

His mother was still on top of him at every minute and was still hitting him. One day, he forgot to turn off the light in his bedroom and when he got home, his mom hit him right in his arm, hard.

It was now June, too, so it was a relief to Cyrus to have school over with. The last few weeks he had been trying to get his life somewhat together and was doing his homework and making up the missing work that he refused to do. He was finally allowed to walk to and from school, but that didn't mean that he was talking to Andi and Buffy. They could talk to him as much as they wanted, but he wouldn't give too much of a response. He mostly just enclosed himself in a sweater to hide his cuts and would sweat profusely while he stared off into space.

Buffy started to catch onto the fact that he was wearing sweaters and long pants despite it being summer. The only time they really saw his skin was in gym class. He would go and change in the showers to make sure no one saw him and then he'd wear a long sleeve shirt and shorts, revealing bruises scattered along his legs. No one would ask him about it, everyone knew to not talk to him, but they assumed that the bruises were from him being a klutz, but Andi and Buffy knew it was much more than that.

But, they knew that they couldn't ask him about it. They had only asked one day, when Cyrus came to school with a bruise on his neck. It was from his step-father pushing him out of the way by his neck. From that day on, he wore turtlenecks despite the warm weather.

The only person who hadn't seemed to get a clue about not asking Cyrus about anything was Jonah. After school one day, Jonah saw Cyrus sitting outside doing his Algebra 1 homework, and asked to join him (They were both in Algebra 1).

While Jonah sat there in a t-shirt and shorts, he noticed that every part of Cyrus's skin was covered by clothes and asked him, "Aren't you hot?" while rolling up the sleeve on his left arm.

That arm was the one with the two perpendicular cuts, facing up. Jonah saw and his face went pale and he lost his smile.

Cyrus panicked and rolled the sleeve back down and collected his stuff, not looking back at Jonah.

Jonah had known about the bruises on his arm but he knew the cuts there were not something that his mother would have done. He knew how he got those cuts.

Cyrus' body was shaking as he ran to the swing set. He hadn't been there in a while, but TJ still sat there everyday just in case Cyrus showed up. When he did on this day, TJ leapt off of the swing.

"Cyrus!" He called out. "Are you okay?"

Cyrus didn't know whether he was upset or angry. He had tears swelling in his eyes, yet his hands had formed fists at his side. He didn't know what he could tell TJ. He'd have to tell him about the abuse, about his cuts, about Jonah, and he didn't want to tell him any of it.

Cyrus didn't say a single word to TJ. He marched right past him and sat on the swing, staring at the ground underneath him and lightly sobbing. TJ came over and sat at the swing beside him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" TJ asked, to which, Cyrus just shook his head.

He continued to cry and TJ found himself walking behind him and wrapping his arms around Cyrus while he cried. They stayed that way for a little while, TJ hugging Cyrus and his sobs eventually calmed themselves.

He realized how at ease he felt. No matter what, TJ was always there for him. Whether it was a hug, a conversation, or just his presence, TJ was always there for Cyrus. It was something so different. Andi was there for Cyrus when it was convenient for her, like talking about Jonah. And Buffy wasn't very good with emotions.

TJ, however, was there no matter what the problem was, and always tried to help. And Cyrus wasn't there to let him help.

He broke away from TJ and turned to face him. "I'm sorry," he said.

TJ shrugged. "For what?"

He looked down at his feet. "For having too many problems."

"Cyrus," said TJ, his hand grazing Cyrus' arm. "You don't have any problems."

Cyrus pulled the sleeve up on his left arm, showing TJ the scars. TJ's expression didn't change as he ran his finger over the white lines on Cyrus' arm. "Is this why you were crying?" TJ asked.

Cyrus shook his head. "Jonah saw."

"Jonah Beck?"

"Yeah," said Cyrus, nodding. "He's the boy I like."

"Oh," TJ said with his voice trailing off.

"What?" Cyrus asked, looking up at him.

"Oh nothing. I just didn't know Jonah was the one that you liked."

Cyrus asked, "Who did you think it was?"

TJ shrugged and said, "Me," looking straight into Cyrus' eyes.

Cyrus felt his face fall. He looked down at his feet. He never thought about TJ. He didn't think he liked TJ, he just liked his company.

He also had never thought about TJ liking him. He didn't think anyone liked him. He just completely forgot about TJ. The boy that was always there on the swings.

"Well, I do like you," Cyrus said as he looked back up at him.

TJ grabbed Cyrus' hands. "I'm glad," he said, smiling.