How He Broke My Heart

Chapter 13

I slept when I got home, my skin warm from laying out at the pool. I left with Lauren after talking with Brandon and saying that I'll meet up with them tonight. It seemed like a nice idea since I'll see Brandon again, but now I'm regretting it a little. As I lay in bed—knowing I have to shower—I shift back and forth, almost asking myself to accidentally fall back asleep. If I'm asleep I have no control. One hour, that's all I have until I agreed to meet the 'gang' at Kaden's house which is a mistake all in itself. The last thing I need is to be around Kaden, especially after what Lauren said.

I saw it coming after he tried to talk about us that first night, reminding me of how in love we were. He's the devil—manipulating, evil, masked. He is not to be trusted.

Maybe I can be alone with Brandon at some point and poison myself some more, because that's what I'm doing, setting myself up for disappointment. It's nice though, when we talk, when he talked to me after I changed my clothes even though my panties were on the floor. It made my insides feel weightless. He's just so, so lovely? He's a psychical dream and internally wonderful. He knows how to make me squirm, how to make me angry, and how to make me give in. I could watch him do anything and be utterly entertained. Pressing shirts, checking people out, playing volleyball, looking at me. God, his kisses. I can't handle his—

The sudden ring of my phone makes my heart hurtle forward. Snatching it from under my pillow, I see it's Lauren. "Hello?"

"Can you please answer your texts."

"Oh, sorry," I mumble, thankful that she pulled me from those specific thoughts. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're still coming out with us," she says. "Kaden's house in forty minutes, right?"

"Uh, yeah. I'll be there."

"Okay. Do you want me to stop by your house? We can walk together."

Getting out of bed, I walk to the bathroom. "Sure."

"Okay, I'll be there in forty. Wear something cute."

With that she hangs up, not giving me the chance to say no. She knew I would, she was prepared. It's times like these that I wish I never powered my phone back to life. She also knew to call and confirm, which says something about me but I don't want to start down that road. Once I begin, I'll end up under my blankets again but with tears in my eyes and a running nose.

I shower swiftly, cleaning thoroughly with my Aunts beachy-scented body wash. It matches her coconut shampoo and conditioner, so I hope she doesn't mind, but I'm sure she'd understand. It's for a boy, Aunt Wendy an addictive boy that makes me chew on my bottom lip and hug my pillow extra tight at night—like he's there with me. Sometimes I imagine his ghost hand reaching over me and holding me. For me, nighttime is the loneliest time. I try to convince myself that the isolation is what I truly want, but deep down I yearn for company. I think I'm too young to fall asleep every night with the same guy, though. That's what married people do, people who are bound to each other, people that last that long, long enough to not tear each other apart. I could last that long but no one will let me.

I dress myself after my perfumed shower, pulling on a pair of shorts and an airy shirt, something that will drag with the breeze. I want to feel the night air's hands slip up my shirt and brush its fingers against my abdomen, never able to go higher. There's a bralette underneath, something creamy and lacey, something my mother thought was cute in the store and decided to buy me. I thought it might come in handy when wearing a bra seemed too tight and restricting. Tonight I want to be able to float away with the wind if need be, a quick escape.

My phone vibrates with a text from Lauren, saying she's outside. I leave my bedroom with my phone in my back pocket and some money if the group stops somewhere to eat. I can't find my debit card. It's somewhere in my bags and I simply cannot be bothered. With the birthday money from the many cards given to me, I have no need for it yet.