How He Broke My Heart

Chapter 14

We walked to the sushi place near the shop. I decided to give in and go with him because all of my decisions lately don't feel like my own. I feel like every day I wake up as a different person, and every day that person wants different things. Today it's Brandon, yesterday it was closure, tomorrow is a mystery. I wish I could have my priorities straight because not knowing what I want is exhausting, but when I shyly look up at Brandon across from me now, at our little table in the Four Seasons sushi hole-in-the-wall restaurant, I feel at peace.

There are two other people besides us and the owners, a pair in their late twenties on what I'm assuming is a date. They're drinking and sharing an array of rolls, ones with seaweed, raw fish, only rice, only vegetables, ones looking both spicy and refreshing. She struggles to use the chopsticks but he helps her, whoever they are.

Brandon and I are at a table against the wall. He let me chose where to sit, and I wanted something to lean on. With my legs crossed on my seat, I use my fingers to pick up my California rolls. Brandon asked if that was all I wanted before ordering something more complicated for himself. I wanted to pay for myself, but he handed them his card before I could even remember the money in my pocket. I don't like it when people pay for me unless it's my birthday or something similar, and they feel the need to treat me. I want to slip bills into his pocket when he's distracted.

It's hard to have a light conversation after hearing what Kaden had said about me, especially knowing that he said it to Brandon. I know Brandon thinks Kaden is only parties and lies, but his words hit me hard, and there's nothing Brandon can tell me to cure me of overthinking.

"You want another drink?" Brandon asks, grabbing my attention from the couple across from us.

I look down at my empty bottle of mango tea, not remembering finishing it. "No," I say, taking another roll from my plate. He gets up and buys me another anyway along with another drink for himself. I know he's not of age, but he's drinking Japanese beer, and I wonder how he does it, how he wins everyone over. He places mine in front of me and pops his can open.

He watches me as I open the tea and take a sip. "Do you always get away with everything?" I ask.

"Not everything. If you're smart about interactions and perceptions, there's a lot a person can get away with."

A small smile lifts my cheeks. "So you really do go to Berkeley with Jonas."

"What? You didn't think I could get in?"

I shake my head. "No. No, I think you got in and received an," I think for a second, analyzing him, "an academic scholarship. You enjoy English and literature, but your strong suit is mathematics, which is why you're probably going for something in the engineering family, right?"

Brandon smiles and shakes his head, amused. "For someone who is so incredibly unreadable, you're very good at reading people."

"So I was right?"

"Engineering, yes. But why couldn't it be an athletic scholarship?"

"You're not that good at volleyball. Definitely academic."

After we're finished, I follow Brandon down to the water. There's no bonfire tonight, just one or two stray people walking and the sound of the waves. We sit in the sand, our feet almost being touched by the water when it reaches up to us. Brandon looks out and I wrap my arms around my legs, bringing them to my chest, restraining myself.

"Tell me about you. You already know about me," he says softly, glancing to me.

I don't know how to tell him that I'm uninteresting, besides what he's heard from Kaden. I shrug anyway. "I don't know, I'm not that exciting or prestigious."