How He Broke My Heart

Chapter 21

Brandon leads me upstairs and into what I remember to be one of the guest bedrooms, but what is now his temporary room. I used to crash here last summer—I used to sleep in the bed that is now his bed. We sit down on it and I don't feel overwhelmed. Surprisingly, I feel relaxed in here with him. With my legs crossed, I settle and eye him for a moment. "I told you that something bad happened to me."

"You did, and that worries me, Emma."

"I told you that my Dad came back. Well, now he's leaving again, permanently, and for another woman. I overheard my parents fighting about it last night."

Not expecting me to spill it all in one breath, Brandon looks to be processing everything. His brows furrow and his lips part. "I-I can imagine how you're feeling right now."

"It's hard for me to open up to people, to be vulnerable, but I really care about you, Brandon, and I know you care about me. I feel really lucky that you do, and that we're together? Are we—I don't know. But I guess I just wanted to tell you because—you know, I have a crazy, pessimistic outlook on my relationships due to what happened to me in the past, and now that my parents are in this messy situation... I just don't want to change my mind about us," my voice gives in, breaking with the emotions jumbled in my head. "I mean, it's uncanny, isn't it? My Dad cheats on my mom? It's like the universe is playing some sick joke on me."

Brandon moves back against the headboard and I follow. He pulls me close and I cuddle up against him. I suppose instead of trying to talk me out of my funk, he feels it's best to simply hold me, and I'm thankful for it. We lay together for a bit; Brandon stroking my hair as I trace random nothings along his chest. Thinking about taking his shirt off and tracing against his skin, I blush a little. When I peer up and leave a soft kiss on his jaw, he glances down at me instead of gazing out the window. "Kiss me," I murmur.

I know how I want it, or how I think I want it. It's how I wanted all of my other relationships to go, but how they drastically didn't. After trying to shove each one back on track, after dropping hints to my friends and family, I eventually gave up, especially with Kaden.

We would meet somewhere. I would be walking along the street or along the water with Lauren, and Brandon would tumble into my life out of nowhere. Maybe he'd be playing volleyball with his friends and he'd accidentally hit it to where Lauren and I were sitting in the sand. He'd jog over, all golden and sweaty, smiling, running his hands through his hair while apologizing. And I would blush so hard and so intensely that he couldn't help but smile again.

We would see each other around town or find out we have mutual friends, which would lead to him asking me out. Maybe we would go to the ice cream place or the boulders or the bonfire, but no matter what, he would drive me home and kiss me goodnight as my mother opens the door and calls for me to come inside. She'd question me, wonder who this boy is and how long I've been seeing him. As an attempt to control the situation, she would invite him over for dinner. He'd come even though my parents and Brandon in one room is the last thing I want. He'd come and he'd bring flowers for my mother.

He'd try to win her over.

My father wouldn't budge. He'd be eyeing him and telling him to keep his distance. There'd be a hushed message at the end of the night—just as I'm saying goodbye to Brandon at the door—my father would say, "You hurt my little girl—" something, something. And Brandon would nod stiffly. And I'd be annoyed but happy, so stupidly happy because the spotlight is on me. The attention I wanted from everyone, from my mother and father, from the guy, from God knows where would be on me. And for once I'd feel protected. For once I wouldn't be clawing at people to care about me.

Or maybe they do and I'm just so needy that it's not enough.

And as Brandon leans down, fulfilling my request, the air pouring down my throat grows thick. I should be happy, right? All the love and attention without the fear—this is what I thought I could never have. So why am I shaking? Why is my heart racing? Sure it's not my perfect scenario, there's no disproving father and controlling mother, no secret-drive-home kisses, no perfect best friend, no perfect, wholesome girl to play my part, but it's Brandon, it's him wanting to be with me. That's enough.