How He Broke My Heart

Chapter 16

(Yes to Heaven by Lana Del Rey aka my favorite song)

"I'm going to..." I sigh, "I'll stop restricting myself."

Jonas nods then smiles then grabs my hand. "Good, now let's go sit with them, and you can figure out how you're going to win his heart. You've always been good at that, so go do it. Go awaken the flirty, romantic Emma inside of you."

Flirty, romantic Emma. How did I win the others over? Hunter liked me because he thought I was pretty, and at fifteen a relationship can be that shallow. I suppose I won him over by simply being a decent looking fifteen year old. I can't say I pulled any tricks on him because I didn't know any at the time. Milo, that's a different story. I suppose I played the innocent girl for him to turn, but I can't play innocent with Brandon. There were some smoldering looks and soft touching, and toward the end of our relationship is when I started pulling more suggestive cards to get what I wanted from him.

Their eyes spring up to Jonas and I as we return back outside. Finding a big enough spot on the large chair facing the patio sectional, we sit together. Jess is still beside Brandon, sitting in front of me. Lauren is sitting beside Austin, and I can't help but shake my head with amusement.

I glance at Brandon, then look to whoever's talking, then I glance to him again, then look back, then when I glance at him the third time, he's already looking at me. I bring my hand up, tucking my hair behind my ear so it stops falling in my face before running my hands down my thighs. His eyes follow my hands and come up to my face when I stand. I lean down to Jonas beside me and tell him that I'm going to get a drink inside.

I don't look back as I leave and head to the kitchen, opening the fridge to find a lot of beer, few water bottles, and even fewer food choices. How do these boys survive? Rolling my eyes, I grab a water and close the fridge, turning to find Brandon walking in.

"Brandon," I say, happy he got the hint.

He comes up to me and places his hand on the countertop. "Yes?"

I sigh. "I'm sorry for leaving last night without an explanation. You're always nothing but sweet to me, and I shouldn't have left."

He nods, not expecting an apology from me.

"And about Kaden—I just can't talk about it right now. It's a very sensitive topic for me, and revisiting what happened just brings up a lot of emotions and feelings and I'm not ready to talk about it yet."

"I wish you would have told me that last night before running out."

"I know, I know, I shouldn't have left. I-I didn't want to leave."

He looks down at me, deep into my eyes. "Then why did you, Emma?"

"I don't know. Why have I been doing all of it—pushing you away?" I glance down for a moment. "Because I've been protecting myself, you know that. Because I've been so terrified of being hurt."

Brandon takes a step back, leaning against the counter. I place my hand on top of his, making him look at me again. "Emma—"

"But I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to hold myself back. I'm not going to drive myself insane thinking about what's going to happen, I just want to live right now." I think. No, I know. It's not just because Jonas told me to.

"No more running off?"

I take a step closer. "No more running off."

I'm not sure if Brandon is completely convinced, and I'm even more unsure if I am either. I know that I have feelings for him, though. I need to stop lying to myself about that.