How He Broke My Heart

Chapter 8

(Show Me Where I Belong by Extreme Music)

I stayed in the house for the entire day yesterday. I thought a lot about Kaden and how he knows that I'm back in town, how Lauren is spreading the news, and how Austin came to see me Wednesday at the shop. I feel like I shouldn't be here. I may be better off back at home—just letting everyone know that I'm not dead. Marissa will say that she hates me but it will only take her twenty minutes to switch the topic to herself. Do I want that? To leave?

There's the party tonight, the one Austin told me that he and Kaden would be at. The confusing part is that when seven o'clock comes around I find myself in the shower. I tell myself that I'm not getting ready for the party, that I just need a shower, but after I dry off I'm looking through my suitcase which is still unpacked. I grab a pair of pajamas but lift up my last pair of clean jeans. Shaking my head, I drop them and the towel, slipping on underwear and grabbing the pajamas. Then, abruptly, I snatch the jeans and yank them on, forcing myself not to think. If I think, I'll take them off. I don't want to think anymore, it's all I've been doing and I've gotten nowhere.

I'll admit it. I want to see him. I want to find out if he looks different, if he's genuinely sorry at all, if Kaden Lane still cares about me in his weird way that makes me question the meaning of caring. If he's grown out his hair like he wanted or has facial hair, or if he's thinner or muscled-up even more. If he's still himself. Not the bad side, but the side I loved.

I can't help myself.

Pulling on a shirt—specifically my blue shirt which was my favorite last year—I head out of my room and slip on my shoes and leave at eight-thirty. My Aunt watches me walk out the door, but she doesn't say anything. She's likely relieved that I have somewhere to go after my day locked in my bedroom.

I try to stay in my reckless state of mind as I walk to Micheal's house. Ignoring my racing heart, I remind myself of the purpose of this reunion when I turn onto his street. Yes, I am curious about him and how he's been, but I have to set boundaries. Kaden and I are done. We are not together and we are not friends. And I'm going to tell him that, I'm going to say that whatever happened last year is in the past, but we can't see each other anymore. It is better for the both of us if we act as strangers. It's time for closure.

There aren't as many cars, which makes me nervous. I'm not especially early, this is when we used to come last year. It must be a smaller party, only certain people know about it—I'm guessing.

I climb up the porch steps and peer through the warped glass pain in the door. The lights are on, most of them. I hear people inside, so I ring the doorbell. My phone is obviously still dead so no one was warned about my appearance, but I've never been good at warning people anyway. Footsteps near, my heart races, the door opens, Lauren smiles and pulls me in. "You came," she quietly gushes. "He's here, you know. I heard that Austin told you. I'm so happy that the gang is getting back together. They're in the backyard. We have a fire going."

I stop in the hall before anyone can see us through the back windows. "Is he—uh—how is he?"

Lauren smiles. "He's talking, but we all know he's just waiting to see if you show up. Oh, he's going to be so excited. I can't wait to see his reaction."

"Who's here?"

"Me, obviously, Kaden, Austin, Preston, Kailee, oh, Brandon your coworker is here and so is his friend—I think her name is Jess. A few other people might show up too."

My throat dries. "I thought this was a party?"

"It's a small, friends-only party. Really, it's kind of a reunion."