How He Broke My Heart

Chapter 24

Dad is moving out of the house—our actual house—the house where we've lived for over ten years, where I went through puberty, where I covered the walls in posters from teen magazines then torn them down, where everything in my room was about Paris, then zebra prints, then suddenly nothing. He's moving out and mom hasn't mentioned a thing about it. She's been hanging out with Aunt Wendy, trying to forget about her husband leaving and taking her couch with him—really trying to forget how another woman will be sitting on it with him.

Wine and margaritas and casual outings with other forty-to-fifty-year-olds—and I've been apologizing, making things up to her. Her easy-going attitude has made it easier to get back on my mom's good side, but she's going to explode sooner or later.

Reeling myself back in after my break down has been lonely. Jonas is the only friend I've talked to in the past two weeks, and I've never felt more empty. Sure, I love him, and he's the most loyal, most amazing friend a person can have, but the emptiness inside stays. I stare out my window in the morning just after sitting up in bed, and I realize that I've been staring at the beach for an hour. My mind isn't quiet, it's trying to figure out the purpose of everything. Loud whispers about fate and destiny and death swirl around while I stare blankly.

This has been every morning for the past two weeks.

The first week I focused on my mother, and the second, other things. I made sure Jonas knows how much I appreciate him by pouring my heart out and hugging him like a lost child hugs her family. He's assured me that he's going to help me get better, but I'm not sure what better is—I think I've forgotten what it's like to be a normal person. And after, I dragged myself to the Shirt Shack. Jonas told me when Brandon wasn't there, so I went in to face Sally and beg for forgiveness. Two other young kids were working and the sight of them made me feel as if I no longer belong there.

Sally was in the back so the young guy at the register with long, dark hair fetched her for me. When she emerged from the employee-only headquarters, my heart shriveled up. She sighed, frowning a bit.

I knew the only way I could explain myself was to tell the truth, so I did.

I don't have my job back. I'm sure she wouldn't give it to me if I asked for it anyway. But, I know my place isn't there. Finding a new job isn't high on my list—the summer is almost over, and all I want is to make amends with those who I've mindlessly trampled. Even though Sally didn't hire me back, I know that on some level she understands me, and that's more than I could have hoped for.

Jonas wants to take me to the bonfire tonight. I immediately agree and change out of the pajamas I've been wearing around the house all day. Together, we walk down to the beach, and in the distance, see the roaring fire and a warm glow on the many faces around it. Jonas seems to be acting more gentle towards me, and I don't mind it. We sit close on a large slice of driftwood, talking about the not-so-good good times.

"Speaking of Lauren," he says, "have to talked to her?"

"No. She's tried to text me here and there, but I don't answer. I muted her messages. She's just—too much right now. Have you?"

"Not really, no. But I saw her going into that sushi place with some people while I was out with Presley. She looked happy." I nod, staring into the flames tucked between people sitting in front of us. A comfortable silence settles until Jonas stiffens and contemplates. "I don't want to freak you out, but Brandon is here."

My eyes shoot up to the volleyball net, knowing, just knowing that's where he'd be. My heart comes to a halt as I watch him duck under the net and connect to a group of familiar people like a magnet. I've seen these people when I used to watch Brandon from my post at the shop. They'd be scattered around him in the sun as they hung out on the beach—I would be in the shade sitting in my chair, growing pale and desperate. I miss those early days. Having a crush is easy.