Suicide[ON HOLD]

Happily Ever After......

                The next day at school the hallways were completely quiet and the day slow. Around lunch time, since the rain had picked up, the cafeteria was filled with students. I purposely skipped my original bell so I wouldn’t have to hear Cody rant on about why going back to my dad’s was a bad idea. Therefore, I had no one to sit with so I ended up going outside, to sit in the rain, right next to the gymnasium. I wasn’t exactly hungry, which surprised me since I always was. I enjoyed sitting out in the rain, it held so my stories, so many tears within itself that it fascinated me. I sat there and let myself become one of the stories, let my tears fall with the rain. I had been there for so long that when a teeny voice spoke it frightened me. “What’s wrong?” a freshman asked. I looked back and said, “Everything.” She looked at me and I could tell that she knew there was a certain sadness within me, as if she had not long ago, been the one crying in the rain. She stared at me a little bit longer before she pulled out a rectangular card and said, “Here’s my therapist’s number, and if you want to meet up with her just set an appointment and show up.”

                I took the card and with that she hugged me then left. I considered making an appointment with the therapist, but that would only cause more drama and four people knowing my life was enough. I finally decided it was time to get out of the rain and as I headed to the restroom to dry off I ran into Cody. “Uhh...hey,” he stammered. I looked at him, then back down, I must look a mess right now. “I have to go to the restroom,” I stuttered. He moved aside sheepishly and I scurried off the girls’ restroom. Before I turned the corner I looked back to see him watching me as well as I had been watching him.

                I entered and there she was looking in the mirror. I walked past her to the farthest and last mirror there was. I rang my hair out then pulled it back into a curly mess of a ponytail. I looked towards her and began to say something when she placed her lip gloss back into her bag and walked out. I was alone again, as always, but right at this moment, after all those five years, I felt the loneliest.

                At the sound of the last bell I received a text from Cody reading ‘Don’t go, please, not there’. I ignored his message, not sure on what to say. So, I boarded the bus and made my way to Cody’s. When I walked through the door, I found him sitting at the kitchen table. I walked over, and placed the key on the counter. As I did so, he grabbed my wrist and wouldn’t let go. I knew he was staring at my face, waiting for a response, anything. I knew I couldn’t bare the look he would be giving me but I as I turned towards him our eyes met and he pulled me into him. Despite my pregnant belly he pulled me closer and held me tight. I pulled away in tears and said, “I can’t Cody, I can’t stay. You’ve been so consumed with me that you haven’t been able to focus on yourself. Then the things you said the other, I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive, I’ll try, for us. I feel as if I won’t be getting an apology from you anytime soon so I really don’t know what’s going to happen to us.”

                He looked down then said, “I’m not going to apologize. I can’t and I won’t because it may have been harsh but I spoke the truth. I wasn’t in the wrong.” I despised him, the sympathy I felt moments ago turned into rage. “What do you mean you weren’t in the wrong?” I asked angrily. You humiliated me and not to mention embarrassed me. Britt knows, did you ever think of that in the moments of your outburst, that what you were saying she was right there to hear. She didn’t even believe me, not after you blurted it aloud and not even after I told her myself. Do you even care about what happens next? What’s going to happen?” He looked into my eyes, not letting me go, and said, “I do care.”

                I knew what this would do to him, I knew it would hit him hard but I said it anyway, “If you actually cared I wouldn’t be going back to live with him, my molester and the father of not only me but my children as well.” Instead, it did the complete opposite. He stood up and shouted, “Get over yourself, I understand your father raped you and with that you had his children, but you need to forget about all of that and let it go.” He had taken it too far. “How could I just let that go Cody? How could I just forget all of that?” I shouted back as I walked towards the living room. He followed then said, “You could start by accepting what you have now.” I looked into his eyes. “I have you, Elijah, Britt, your family, and my unborn child.” “Our family and our child,” he corrected me.