Everything we never said

Chapter two - We're not kids anymore

I miss the smell of the fireplace, I light my rose scented candles over the mantle instead and open a window to let the evening breeze in. I miss the snow and the way it makes everything look so fresh and clean, the dirty streets sparkled with a coating of fresh powder but now the only thing I see is concrete.

You'd think a florist would be more exited for spring.

I wish I had wine, something to calm the nerves. I wish I could call Alexander and ask him about his brother, is Matthew a good guy?

If I could call Alexander I wouldn't need to ask, the asshole would just be here instead.

I pick up a brush from the easel beside the window, I feel the dry clean bristles under my fingertips.
The easel, assorted paints and a whole heap of canvases, paper and brushes just turned up via courier on my birthday.

No note, no sender.

I haven't found the motivation to paint because in the back of my mind I know who sent it.
The only person who knew my birthday, the only person who knew I used to paint, the only person who refuses to speak to me.

I pick up a pencil and start to sketch, just rough lines to get me started.

It was only sex, it was only one night. We could've talked about it, we could've laughed off the awkwardness of fucking your best friend.

It was only one night.

One night ruined my life, one night gave me everything I ever wanted.

If the sex was bad maybe I'd be okay? If he didn't know every curve of my body and how to drive it wild maybe I'd be okay.
If he didn't take my heart and make it explode with love maybe I'd be okay, maybe I could move on.

Maybe Ruby wouldn't have left me.

My memory can't let go of the way he moved, the way he sounded and the way he kissed me. I must have imaged it, it felt like he loved me too.

One night..... for one night he loved me over and over and created this beautiful little life inside me. He made me a mother and for that I leave him alone.

I don't call, I don't text. I don't beg him shamelessly for any form of attention.
Losing him was the price I have to pay, it doesn't seem fair considering it should've been one thousand and nine hundred dollars.

That's the cost I would've paid to anyone else.

My hand moves over the paper as I daydream, Alexander's tall frame and wide chest fills my mind, his dark hair and bright blue eyes are my every fantasy.
His broody frown and rough expression make my heart ache, holy hell I miss him so much.

The doorbell chimes and I jump, I drop my pencil and turn to the door.

He hates me anyway.
You're a big girl Veronica, you can do this.

Problem is, I don't know if I can. I've only ever slept with one man.... and one woman but Ruby will tell you I was just playing around, using her to hide the fact I'll never get over him.

Maybe I was?

"Hi" I smile softly feeling nervous.
"Why aren't you naked? Veronica we talked about this" Matthew sighs like he's disappointed and strides past me.

"We did, but as discussed I'm fully dressed and will remain so for the entirety of our evening" I giggle.
"Hey gorgeous, how was your day?" Matthew smiles and drops his bag on the floor to pull me close.
"Fine, just work" I lie and hug him warmly.
"Just work and my little brother.... did you punch him? Tell me you punched him" he smiles so handsome.