Everything we never said

Chapter ten - Happens every year

In case you're interested,
prenatal visit tomorrow at nine.

I send the text knowing I'm wasting my efforts, it's the second time he's opted not to reply. But Tink needs to keep an appointment with a bridezilla and I'm riding solo, Jamilla offered to push back her nine o'clock but it was me who got drunk and pregnant.

My responsibility.

It's been a month since Alexander last graced me with his presence and a month of daily visits from his mother, she doesn't mention him now. I know that means her lecture had no affect on his attitude.

Not interested.

When will I learn to accept that?
When will I stop waiting for the door to open?
When will my body stop craving him?

I ignore the way my body begs for touch as I move the loofah drenched in silky body wash over my chest, I ignore the way my breath catches and my thighs tingle. If it wasn't for the miracle growing inside me and the memory of harsh breath in my ear I'd wish I'd never learned the pleasure my body is capable of feeling.

Alexander said to call when I needed him, he promised he'd be here for the big things. My body is fucking huge and god it needs him, I need him so much.

Just answer the text Xander please.
I scroll through my messages and see the last one I received.
Kallen, yep, persistent bugger that one.

How bout now?
I like pregnant, pregnant could be my thing.
You could be my thing.

I hadn't replied but as frustrated as I am laying in my hot bubble bath I start to type.

Your thing?
Show me.

He won't reply, whatever drunk and horny mood he was in last night has passed. I put my phone on the side and close my eyes.

I see Alexander dressed up as I opened the door on our date, I see his smile and the way his eyes lit up seeing my dress.

My hands skim over my breasts.
My phone beeps and I squeak in surprise and shock.... is he coming?

I scramble to open the text, I shake as my screen unlocks.

Holy shit!

Kallen's thing. Wow, damn that's kinda nice.

I try to remember him, it seems so long ago we flirted on the train. I remember light brown hair, almost blonde. I remember brown eyes. I remember Alexander found him lacking, said I could choose better for my son.

He's no Alexander but his penis is god damned cute.

I've showed you mine.
Veronica, give me something in return

The message pops up below the photo of unzipped trousers on a black leather sofa and my heart skips a beat, I couldn't...

Could I?

I look at myself through the lens of my camera, nope not titties. Their Alexander's tits, he's a boob man.
I take a photograph of my bent knee poking out of the water as it rests on the side of the tub glistening and wet. The bubbles prevent view of anything below the waterline. I bite my lip and press send.

Nothing in that photo could be identified as mine.

Okay, I'm paying attention.
Toes, I need toes.