Everything we never said

Chapter seven - That won't work for me

The afternoon is tense, nobody wants to say what they really think. I don't know what to think, I feel lost... again.
I feel like I did the first few weeks after he left. He gave me no answers and I didn't think to ask, not really.

My eyes keep looking back to the door but it doesn't open, not even for customers like they know now is not a good time.

"Byron you opened up this morning, why don't you take off early?" I tell him quietly while I wrap gerbera stems with fine wire.
"I don't mind, it's fine" he assures me with a fake smile.
"I know, go home anyway"
"Yeah, okay. You need anything before I go?" He checks but stands from his stool at the cutting bench.

"Yeah, an bottomless espresso martini and a ton of dark chocolate" I snort but wave him off. "Just enjoy your afternoon"
"Thanks, you too" Byron waves to Tink who looks up briefly from her phone where I think she's playing poker.

"How about you? Got somewhere else you wanna be?" I ask Tink wondering if she's really mad at me.
"Sure. A private island with my naked lady. Sun, skinny dipping and sex.... lots of sex"
"Sounds awesome, you should take the car. I'll get the subway" I nod but don't manage a smile.

"How about we all go home? It's dead in here and you look terrible" she tells me but not with any hint of tenderness.
"Why not?" I sigh and go get my kitty.

The car ride is silent, the long breathless trek up the five flights of stairs is silent and aside from the loud thud of her door, Tink's departure to her room is silent.
The whole apartment is silent and I go to lay down with the gentle purring of Meatball as we snuggle in my bed.

She wasn't even all that pretty, she talked too much. I would never tell a stranger about his passion, especially while he's right there to hear it. My mind keeps going back to he's rough.

Alexander was so gentle with me, he arched so slow and thoughtful.

So perfect.

"Sweetie?" A soft voice calls at my door and I roll to see Jamilla in a party dress.
"Hi, I didn't hear you get in" I frown.
"Tink and I, we're going out for a while. Make sure you eat okay?" She worries.
"Have fun" I nod and roll back.

By the way she's dressed I'd say it's a take two on the weeknight clubbing they are suddenly into, I'll have to remember to set my alarm.

"Be well Veronica" she tells me gently and I hear the click of her heels on the floorboards.

Funny, I didn't notice them before.
I drift off with my stomach and my mind a complete mess, why didn't I tell him?

The sensation of falling wakes me, Meatball is gone and I'm all alone on my bed. Still dressed in my work clothes.

With a sigh I drag myself from my bed and into the bathroom, I need a shower. The house is dark, still quiet and I assume the girls are still out. I let the steam build up as I undress, I watch my reflection wondering what Alexander thought of my new figure.

It doesn't matter now, he's getting married to a selfish whore.

I take my time, I shampoo my hair twice and use a conditioning treatment to prolong this moment where I have a purpose.
Once again I'm nothing but a revenant floating around without meaning. I have no voice, no words.

When I've taken as much time as I can take, I dress in the button up I sleep in and a pair of large unappealing maternity panties, I put a pair of bed socks on my feet even though it's not cold.

I look at the kitchen without interest, not even a hot drink is tempting and I know my baby requires proper nourishment on my behalf but just not tonight, not now.