One For The Road

Chapter Twenty Five

In my mind, the most logical way to cope with my newfound feelings was to avoid Just at all costs. It was the obvious choice.

Of course, I couldn't do that. Then he would know something was up and confront me about it. That meant I had to act like nothing was different.

Oh boy.

The last time I'd had a crush was in the first grade, back when things weren't so complicated. There was this really cute boy in my class who laughed at all of my jokes and always let me look at his drawings in art class. I was convinced I was totally in love with him and told him about it after a while. Of course, it wasn't like a literal seven year old would understand love— I clearly didn't either— so he rejected me, and it broke my little heart. This was so much different. I was experiencing actual, developed feelings for a boy I'd gotten to know and was now intrigued by. This wasn't a first-grade failed romance. If I messed this up, there was a good chance I'd regret it for a long time. His situation with Heidi wasn't helping me at all, either. They seemed really awkward around each other the first few days of the week after they'd kissed, but it was back to normal after a few days. They must have been trying to keep it a secret since they hadn't told anyone yet. I wanted to confront one of them about it and ask what all of it was about, but I had no idea when or how to bring it up.

The worst part about this situation was that I felt like I was hypersensitive to everything Just did. Now that I had recognized my feelings, it was impossible to ignore his soft smiles or his bubbling laughter or the burns his fingertips left on my arm when his hand brushed against it. I was far more flustered than usual. I hated it. I felt like I was out of control of my own emotions, and this was why I didn't get attached to people.

On Friday I walked into the cafeteria with an overwhelming sense of dread settling over me. I set my tray down and slid next to Just, putting a smile on my face as I listened to the conversations around me.

It would have been fine like this. I was normally a quiet listener who was unbothered by what my friends were saying or doing. Today, though...

Why was Gabby looking at me so disgustedly?

Gabby and I hadn't gotten close since we'd first met. There was our first introduction and the one time she'd stood up for me when Jacob came around to our table during my first week of school (though she'd really been standing up for our whole table rather than just myself). But since Heidi, Just, and I had gotten back from our road trip, Gabby had offered me nothing except for her trademark toxic glares. No greetings, no goodbyes, no small talk, no small smiles like the ones I offered her in the hallways— only dirty looks every time I looked over.

Sure enough, that day when I looked over at lunch, the blonde was staring at me with such an intensity that it made my stomach turn.

I slid away from Just and out of the group's conversation to sit level with Gabby, who was sitting at the end of the table. I lowered my voice as I spoke to her. "No offense, but why have you been glaring at me for the past month?"

Her gaze only hardened, which I wouldn't have thought would be possible until that moment. She spoke, her voice quiet like mine, but there was an acidic rumble in her tone. "You're the first person who's joined this group since elementary school," she growled. "And it was fine at first, but you literally just swept Heidi and Just away from us for an entire week with no warning. We had no idea where they were, what they were doing, and they wouldn't answer our texts or calls." Gabby gestured between herself, Dan, and Chris. "The three of us were worried sick for these two for the whole week they were gone. Not to mention the fact that the rumors about your sexuality started going around, too. I guess it's not your fault that that's being spread, but the three of us have gotten a lot of crap about how we only let the weak little self-identity-struggling stupid gay kids into our group. And yeah, it's incredibly rude of them, but again, we haven't added someone new to our group since elementary school, and this is the most bullying we've gotten in a long time!"

I sat there in stunned silence for a moment. I couldn't figure out what to say at first. Then, my eyebrows knit together. "So you're mad at me because my sexuality is causing you problems?" I asked lowly.

"No. I'm mad at you because you've done nothing but takenour friends from us or caused us trouble."

"Look, I'm not trying to take your take your friends from you. That's the thing about friendship. You're allowed to have more than one friend. You can have mutual friends. If you don't like me, fine, but the least you could do is stop glaring at me every time I catch your eye. It's making me uncomfortable."

"Your presence has made me uncomfortable since your first day here," she spat, her voice quiet yet startlingly aggressive.

I could feel my blood boiling, so I scoffed and scooted back over to where Just was, away from Gabby. She was overreacting. Big time. So what if I'd joined her group of friends? She seemed to have been fine with it before. Plus, I wasn't stealing her friends like she'd implied. Heidi and Just volunteered to go on that road trip with me, and we'd bonded. So what? Couldn't she deal with accepting someone to be their friend, too?

I practically leaped our of my seat when a pair of hands gently covered my own, startling me out of my own thoughts. They were Just's hands, which didn't help with my bumpiness or my embarrassment about it. He was giving me a concerned look.

"You're doing the thing with your hands again," he said, and I looked down to see that my fingers had, in fact, curled into fists that I hadn't noticed until now. My nails were digging into my palms. I slowly uncurled my fists so that my hands were laying limply in Just's.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I just wasn't thinking about it."

"Why are you upset?" he asked. I didn't want to look at him, but I did. One of his eyebrows was raised in a questioning manner.

"No reason," I lied with a shrug. At least he hadn't heard Gabby and I talking. I assumed that meant Heidi hadn't heard me, either, since she was on the other side of Just, further away from Gabby.

His face looked all concerned again, and he was almost pouting at this point. "If you say so," he mumbled, turning back to his tray. I did the same.

Suddenly, I wasn't so hungry anymore.

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im sorry this update was so late akcknfnc