One For The Road

Chapter Twenty Six

It didn't take long for Kaleb to figure me out.

"Why do you look at him like that?" my brother asked one day after Just had left. We'd been working on homework again, talking and laughing as we always did.

I tilted my head in confusion. "Like what?"

Kaleb went quiet for a moment, his face thoughtful. "Like you love him," he finally said, his voice quiet.

Oh. Oh. Was I that obvious? I could feel my face growing redder by the second. Okay, maybe I was.

"I guess..." I stammered, but I couldn't think of what to say to finish that statement.

"Do you love him?" Kaleb asked when I didn't fill in the blank myself. I looked away from him, trying to ignore the fact that my heart was racing.

"I don't know," I muttered. "I really don't know, buddy."

"Well..." Kaleb pressed on. "Maybe one of your friends could help you figure it out! Since they—"

"I doubt it," I quickly interrupted, staring down at the counter. "My friends would just make fun of me. They mean well, but..." I shrugged. I knew in my heart that if I went to Heidi about something like this, she would try to take it seriously if I asked her to, but I couldn't exactly go to her and tell her that I had a crush on her boyfriend, could I?

"Well, I hope you figure it out," Kaleb said with a shrug.

"Thanks. I'll tell you if I do." I paused. "Don't tell mom about this, okay?" I hadn't come out to my mom yet, and I really didn't want her to hear about it from my younger brother who was saying I had a crush on a boy she barely knew.

"I won't tell her," Kaleb promised. I took a deep breath and nodded.

A moment of silence.

"Why don't you tell Just how you feel?"

I could feel my cheeks growing warm again. "It's a lot more complicated than that, buddy. Something I hope you won't have to worry about for a long, long time." I headed out of the kitchen, ruffling his hair on my way before heading to my room.

The thought of telling Just straight up how I felt about him put butterflies in my stomach that I really didn't want to acknowledge right now.

•••

I sighed heavily as I slid two textbooks into my backpack alongside various notebooks. So much for trying to finish my work in class.

As I was closing my locker, I heard my name being called from behind me. I turned to see Just rushing over to me, his backpack jostling up and down as he ran. "Can I talk to you for a sec?" he asked when he was close enough.

Those were about the last words you wanted to hear from your crush— there are so many ways that could go wrong— but I swallowed my nerves and nodded.

"Walk with me to the parking lot?" I offered, and he nodded, falling into step beside me as I started walking. "What's up?" I asked.

"Well," he murmured, averting his eyes and shrugging his shoulders a little. Adorable. "I just... I know we haven't really known each other for a super long time, but I feel like I've bonded with you in the time that we've been together?" His voice went up a little at the end, making his statement sound more like a question. A faint blush bloomed across his cheeks as he ran a hand through his hair. I could feel my own cheeks growing warm. "You're a really nice guy, and I realized a little while ago that I like you. As more than a friend, I mean. I have a crush on you." Just winced as though he instantly regretted the words coming from his mouth, but all I could focus on was the fact that Just likes me and he just confessed to me and I'm standing here like an idiot and not responding.

"I-I'm flattered," I finally stammered. And then the alarms started blaring in my head. "But... but what about Heidi?"

Just furrowed his eyebrows a little, finally looking me in the eyes again. "Heidi? What about her? I didn't think she would..." His face fell. "I didn't think—"

"I can't do that to her," I interrupted quietly. Did he seriously not stop to think about how Heidi would feel about this while exchange? How it would surely hurt her more than it hurt either of us? For Just, that was pretty low.

"I didn't think that would be a problem here," he repeated. "I'm... sorry for jumping to conclusions."

"You could've at least tried to consider it. She doesn't deserve to be hurt like that."

Just squinted up at him. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know—"

"Sorry," I mumbled quickly before picking up the pace, my strides growing longer as I easily passed him. I wanted to get to my car without a problem. Please let me get to my car without a problem. Please.

Life doesn't work like that.

Heidi rounded the corner and smiled widely when she saw us. "Hey, guys!" she said, waving at us. "I need to run back to my locker. I forgot a textbook. Can you guys—"

"Sorry, I gotta get going," I muttered as I passed her. "See you tomorrow."

She watched with a confused look as I sped up again, leaving the building and practically running to my car. Just didn't try to catch up to me. When I reached the car, I didn't start it, but I sat in the driver's seat and rested my head against the steering wheel, letting out a heavy sigh. What had I done? What had he done?

Didn't he know that telling me about how he felt could have ruined his relationship with Heidi? If I'd told him that I felt the same, he could have ditched her. I would have thought that Just would have thought that through more. Didn't he care about her?

I sighed again and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot instead of sitting there and moping before Heidi or Just could find me and confront me. Heidi would want to know what had happened, and Just would want to talk and sort things out. Both of those things were the last things I wanted to do, so despite my heavy heart and racing mind, I began the drive home.