One For The Road

Chapter Thirty One

"Not to be totally gay, but how do I make a man die just by looking at me?"

Heidi clucked her tongue, and I could hear her smirking over the phone. "That was definitely totally gay." I could feel my cheeks beating up as I stared into the deep abyss that was my closet. "Anyways, I'm sure you mean making him die in a good way?"

"No," I snapped sarcastically. "I want Just to drop dead on our first date because of how ugly I am. Work your magic."

"Looks like my job is complete without me having to do anything."

It took me a moment to realize she was insulting me, but I tried my best to brush it off. "Shut up. Please help me."

"You realize this isn't really your first date, right? Don't your Disney marathons technically count as dates?"

I shrugged halfheartedly. "I mean, I guess. But this is our first date that actually involves us going out." It was different somehow. Disney marathons were easy. Low-maintenance. I could throw on a t-shirt and some jeans and pop some popcorn, and then Just and I could critique children's films however much we felt necessary. Going out made me feel the need to not only impress my boyfriend— it had been almost two weeks and I still hadn't totally wrapped my head around that term— but the people surrounding us. I tried to explain this to Heidi in as little detail as possible.

"You're literally going to a cafe," Heidi deadpanned. "I have no idea why you're so nervous about this."

"It's my first date, Heidi. Ever. Do you know how stressful it is?"

"C'mon. I've never been on a date, but I think you're just psyching yourself out a little too much."

"Well, don't come to me and expect me to help you when you start dating." I sniffed dramatically, and I could almost hear the eye roll she was giving me.

"Drama queen. You said you needed help looking nice? I have no idea what's in your wardrobe other than t-shirts, jeans, and sweatpants. Can't really help you there."

I groaned. "Can you come over and help me?" I was desperate at this point.

"I've got important stuff to do."

"If you come over and help me, I'll take you to the movies however many times you want the month I get my first paycheck."

A long pause.

"I guess it's not that important," she finally decided. I smiled in spite of myself.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

•••

"You, my friend, are doomed."

I winced at her blatant observation as she peered into my closet. "C'mon, man," she continued, "everything you have is either entirely too dressy or super casual. You don't own a single flannel."

I stared at her. "What made you think I... what? I am the least likely person I know to own a flannel."

She shook her head, dismissively waving her hand at me before delving into my closet. "Flannels are just perfect for casual coffee dates. You're a disgrace."

"You read too much fanfiction." I wrinkled my nose.

"No comment." She pulled a black button-down out of my closet before immediately thrusting it back in with a weird look on her face. "You have nothing on the dressier side of casual."

I huffed. "I didn't think I'd be in this situation anytime soon, so I didn't exactly have it at the front of my mind to buy something nice."

She peered into the abyss for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face. "When's your date?" she asked. I coughed.