Doing it Alone

Best Job Ever

I drop off Chris and drive to work. I walk upstairs to my room and Mr.Stewart or Phil is standing outside the door. "You should really get a key to the room." I laugh at him and unlock the classroom.

"Well I thought maybe you would be here already." he shrugs. "Like promised a vanilla iced coffee." he sings and lifts the coffee cup holder up.

"If you could just put it on my desk." I say to him getting yesterday's papers out. "So when the students walk in they might be shy but they're the best group of kids. Give them a week and they should have adapted to you." I say sitting at the front projector table.

"You sure do sound passionate towards these kids." he smiles and sits at a desk which is quite to small for him.

"Of course I'm passionate this is the best job ever." I say to him as he tries to squeeze out of the desk. I laugh as he manages to get out and sits on the table of the desk instead.

"I'd like to see you squeeze into one of these seats." he laugh.

"I'm pregnant so I doubt it." I laugh but he just looks at me strangely.

"You're pregnant?" is all he says.

"Can't you tell." I joke standing up from the chair. Unless I'm wearing tight clothing one can't really tell I'm showing. Lately I've been wearing clothes that have been far to baggy. "Did you think I was just fat." I tell him reaching for the coffee on my desk.

"No I just never looked anywhere except for your face." he smiles.

"Well that isn't odd." I say sipping the coffee and the vanilla flavor lingers in my mouth, I hate coffee breath.

"So you must have a husband." he says turning to follow me as I walk around the classroom.

"No he died about 5 months ago and when he died I found out." I say and talking about Ryan really doesn't make me cry anymore. I'm not ready to move on or anything but the pregnancy kinda gave me a new look on life. Mourning over him helped in no way so I just take a minute everyday to just talk to Ryan. Crazy I know but it's that minute that gives me a little more relief everyday.

"Sorry I brought it up, first day and I'm already fucking up." He says and I look up.

"Oh god don't feel sorry at all it's ok I'm feeling much better about everything." I assure him and touch my stomach. "I mean I already have one kid so it shouldn't be more difficult." I look at him. He stares at me for moment while I lay today's assignment on each desk. "Is there something I can help you with."

He smiles and stands. "It's strange that there's so much behind one person."

"Well I'm as jacked up as it gets." I joke sitting back at my desk. "But you know life throws some pretty rough stuff at people. I'm managing through it so I guess life only gets better from here." I laugh looking at him.

"You don't seem jacked up to me." is all he says.

"Thanks I guess, well any questions before students get here." I look to him.

"Not exactly seems like a decent job." he jokes.

"Great cause here they come." I point to the door where all students are waiting outside of. "Let's get this show on the road." I clap and greet the students in.