Doing it Alone

Christmas Eve

Christmas is the same each year, it just consist of all of us sleeping over at my mothers house. It's Christmas Eve around 4pm and I really should be leaving.

I grab all the gifts from the spare room and take them to the trunk of my car. Chris is still into the idea of Santa so I try not to let him see the gifts. He's 2 so I doubt he'll remember anything but I'll remember.

Being my mother she's planned a theme which is random but she's up for any new traditions. Today is a pajama Christmas. I pull Chris into a 2 pair pajamas with small penguins printed on it and it's quite adorable. I've slipped on a pair of red pants and shirt.

I start driving and when I get to my mothers her drive way is somewhat full, I'm always a little late. I take Chris' hand and we walk in, Christmas is defiantly alive in this house. Everyone is dressed with Christmas themed pjs and the house smells like ginger bread and peppermint.

"It's about time this cutie shows up." Dan's boyfriend Michael smiles and takes Chris from my hands. He's always been good with kids.

"Well couldn't miss this fun party." I joke and smile to him.

"It's all fun the pajama theme I love, except Veronica could cover up a little more." he points to Veronica. "Come on Chris your cousins are over here." he says before walking away.

I walk over to Veronica and her outfit could be a tad big longer. "Aren't you a little odd." I eye her outfit. She's wearing a short gown that mimics Santa.

"Isn't it cute." she smirks.

"Oh yes which elf did you steal it off of." I tease her.

"Oh stop you're just jealous you can't where outfits like this." she laughs.

"Well I'm missing out." I say to her and walk to the sitting area. I sit down and pay attention to the little holiday movie. Last year I was at Dallas with Ryan's family, I need to make a drive up to Dallas one day. I was thinking New Years speaking I can't just rip Chris from his other family.

Ryan really loved Christmas not for the gifts but for the really corny tradition like mistletoe, fruit cake, leaving cookies for 'Santa', making gingerbread man and their houses. He went all out which at first I thought was a bit odd but I loved seeing him invest so much energy for only a few short hours.

"So what's on your mind kid." Dan sits next to me. "It's Ryan huh."

"Well kinda but I'm fine." I assure him.

"I know it's hard to not think of him at Christmas and other holidays." he smiles.

"It's not that I miss him but it's more like I hate that Chris won't have a dad." I confess to my cousin.

"Well find him a dad, or another mother." he laughs.

"I'm not gay like you." I joke.

"Yeah we need more gays in this family, what about that Sam guy he's pretty smokin' with those blue eyes." He tells me.

"Eh I haven't given it much thought." I shrug.

"What is there to think about just date nothing too serious just a plain boyfriend, like Veronica." he nods at me.

Despite saying he would break up with Veronica over a week ago Phil never actually did, maybe he gave it another thought. Phil and Sam would be here it's become a habit for them to come over to our mothers house on holidays or just in general.

If any time to accept Sam's semi sweet gestures it would be now. He was nice and I wouldn't really need to be serious. Just as I thought of the two they walk through the door. Sam looks around and his eyes settle on me. "Hey babe." he smiles and sits next to me.

"Hi Sam." I smile and his smile grows.

"You didn't dismiss my 'Babe'?" he chuckles.

"It's Christmas Eve I'm feeling nice." I shrug at him and he gives me a hug.

"It should be Christmas more often." Sam laughs and I look up at Phil who stares at Sam with his hands around me.

"Merry Christmas." he smiles softly.

"It's technically Christmas Eve but Merry Christmas." I joke at him. "Veronica should be in the kitchen."

"Uh that's fine I'll just sit here with you guys." he sits next to Sam.

We all chat up and watch Christmas specials. I take a glance over at Phil a few times, he seems down. Perhaps I was being a little cold, why is this complicated for me.

"I'm going to the restroom." I stand and walk to my mothers room. I step in and find my mother. "Aren't you suppose to be hosting or something." I smile at her.

"I suppose but it does get a bit tiring, how's Sam." she smiles. Did she assume there was a Sam and me?

"Why don't you go ask him." I shake my head at her.

"You've been so closed off lately." she sighs.

"You're so quick to assume mother. I'm not closed off, you just expect me to open up when I clearly don't." I say and walk back out, didn't even get the chance to use the restroom. I walk up stairs and hear ruffling, it's Veronica. "What's with the noise?" I peek my head into her room and she's dressed in a tight dress.

"I was just called to host a quick radio station event at this club, I'm leaving." she smiles and fastens her earrings.

She would be the type to ditch her family at Christmas, drinking and partying are her ways of living up her 30's. "Well what about Phil, he's going with you." I turn to her.

"He can just stay here, job comes first and I need to get my face out there." she stands and walks downstairs.

"You're a great girlfriend." I laugh.

"Just jealous cause I won." she stops.

"What exactly did you win?" I ask her.

"You know Phil, it's an awkward chemistry between you two but ultimately I got him." she smirks.

"Well thats great for you." I laugh and head to the couch.

"That was a long piss." Sam smiles at me.

"Really? Didn't even notice." I laugh.

"Can we talk," he breathes.

"Aren't we talking already." I look at him.

"Well yeah but this is serious." he grabs my hand I and feel the odd tension raising. "I know we met not even a month ago but we should give it a try. Give us a try." he looks at me and his blue eyes have an extra shine to them.

"That sounds nice." I nod at him and smile softly.

"Thanks I promise to not be pushy like before." he chuckles and let's out a breath.

I don't announce the "relationship" me and Sam have taken up at dinner, but there is other news announced.

"Okay guys like we said back in November, we have kid number 3 on the way." my cousin cheers and the whole table cheers. Only if they knew the struggle of carrying a kid.

It's around 10 when dinner is over and we all head off to out rooms. I sleep in my room with Chris in his crib.

I've been kinda restless for a while and find it hard to sleep, I look at the clock and it reads 12:00. Nothing a glass of milk won't fix. I open my door slowly and walk into the dim hallway.

I make it to the bottom of the stairs and here a slight song. I walk into the living room where the trees lights twinkle and a slow Christmas melody plays. I walk forward to turn off the music but instead find Phil sitting on the floor with a bottle in hand.