The Dead Poets

25

An internal debate ensues, as I decide whether or not I should knock. I quickly tap my knuckles against the cool wood before I have a chance to change my mind.

I hear soft footsteps on the other side of the door, as my heart begins to race.

Silence fills the air around me, as I stand anxiously in the cool, empty hall. My breathing has quickly become heavy and shallow, and I can feel my rapid pulse as it pounds in my temples. My shaky palms fall to my side, before they tightly grip the hem of my school skirt, slowly running along the tweed fabric. I had half a mind to spin on my heel and dash in the opposite direction, down the long corridor and as far away from the predicament I currently found myself in.

Then Charlie, clad in plaid pyjamas that hung loosely around his hips, paired with a tight fitting white tee-shirt, appears. Which frankly, under different circumstances, would have my heart fluttering. But now, it felt as though the same heart that once yearned for the boy who stood in front of me, now ached.

I slowly scan his features, feeling a pang of guilt hit my chest, like a cold iron rod laying itself upon an exposed nerve.

His hair was disheveled and not styled in his usual way. The brown locks that usually were neatly combed, bore the tell tale signs that his anxious hands had ran through it in distress. While dark rings encompassed his under eyes, as if he hadn't slept in ages.

I suppressed the urge to reach out and hug him all together.

"Violet?" He says incredulously, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Can I come in?" I say lowly, the threat of an awkward silence looming above us.

He nods slowly, stepping to the side, allowing me enter. I look around and find his roommate must still be out. Charlie's side of the room is unkept. Drawers are half opened, with clothes spilling out, and the bed is unmade.

I stand, unsure of how to conduct myself. I feel a sense of sadness wash over me, as I realize how tense this situation has become. Charlie used to be the one person I was most comfortable with, and now I find myself tripping over my words.

"Here," He offers, gathering a heap of wrinkled uniforms and throwing them into the nearby laundry basket.

I silently thank him, taking a seat on the edge of his bed.

He sits at an empty chair near his desk, smiling at me- a smile that never quite reaches his eyes.

"I came because-" I suddenly pause, unsure of how to complete my thought. Truthfully, I wasn't entirely sure why I had come.

I felt anger and disappointment towards him, but above all, I felt an immense amount of love. I cared for him, and I owe him an opportunity to explain himself at the very least.

"Lucy-" He spoke, seemingly able to read my mind. His face held a mixture of disgust and regret.

His once lively hazel eyes, stared back at me as though they belonged to an empty form. As he gazed at me, it felt as though every ounce of breath was being taken from my lungs.

"-she told me to leave you alone. That night, when you left the room upset and I-" He paused briefly, running his fingers through his hair.

"-I listened. I shouldn't have-I know that now. Frankly, I knew that then. But- I don't know, I guess I trusted her." He paused, his eyes scanning across my face, which remained still and calm.

"Then that night I was so upset seeing you like that..." His voice trailed off, his tone becoming low.

"-Lucy came to my room and suggested I clear my head, go somewhere that makes me happy or something. So I thought of the diner- where you and I always go. I never thought she would-" He stops himself before he can finish the sentence.

"Look, Violet. I care about you more than anything or anyone. I want to spend the rest of my life with you- and I don't care how crazy that may sound. I-"
He cuts himself off once again, averting his gaze from mine.

Suddenly I felt a strong urge for him to tell me the words I've been wanting to hear for what seems like a lifetime.

I need him to tell me.

"Please, just say it." My voice came out incredibly weak, just barely above that of a whisper.

He slowly brings his eyes to meet mine. His brown orbs are slightly red and glassy, a tear threatening to spill at any given moment.

I bring my hand to his cheek, my thumb softly stroking his skin.

His hand immediately falls atop of mine, as he sighs contently at the contact were finally having. I felt his body sag, his muscles becoming loose as he relaxes.

"I love you."

I smile, the first genuine smile that has graced my features in days.

I fling my arms around his neck, his hands snaking around my waist, and pulling me in close to his chest. Our bodies molded together into one, and it felt as though we couldn't possibly be any closer. Yet, despite the heat that radiated from the two of our bodies pressed against each other, we still yearned for that closeness.

My body immediately relaxes at the sudden warmth and familiar musky scent. His slightly calloused fingers felt incredibly soft, as they brushed the hair that had fallen in front of my face.

Who knew you could miss a scent so dearly. His smell alone made me feel safe and warm. And every time I held Charlie, I felt like I was home.

Suddenly Charlie's lips lightly brush against mine, before gently pressing entirely against me.

He kissed me with a kind of hunger and passion I had never experienced. To which I kissed back, matching his fervor.

Every time Charlie kissed me it felt as though the world around me stopped, leaving us behind to aimlessly wander together.

He held my face between his hands in a gentle grip that simultaneously felt so strong, like it was going to keep me in its grasp for eternity.

He pulled away slowly, his forehead resting on mine, his scent lingering in the air, as our slow breathing mingled together.

His hand rested on the side of my face, his thumb lovingly caressing the skin of my cheek.

He laid flat on the small mattress, pulling my body into his, sharing his warmth. He held me securely in his loving arms- arms I have grown so accustomed to.

I'm not entirely sure I even knew what constituted 'love,' until I had met Charlie.

Now the mere thought of him makes me ache to be with him, to look at him, to touch him.

I couldn't put my feelings for Charlie into words, even when I try, few seem to suffice. An entire sea of ink couldn't adequately describe my feelings towards him. It was almost as if all the stars in the sky, were condensed into a single, twinkling one.

The only words I felt could convey some of what I felt for Charlie, easily fell from my mouth.

"I love you, too."

A/N: YESSS! Finally some well-deserved fluff 🤧❤️ also this was probably my favourite chapter to write thus far 😋