The Dead Poets

42

Charlie's POV

My heart sank, my stomach forming knots, as I watched the scene unfold before me. Her eyes gazed into his the way they used to gaze into mine. Their lips practically ghosting each other's, as they stood in the middle of the hall, as though they were the only two people in the entire world.

As I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, the pettiness within me took over any and all reason I had left.

I coughed- audibly clearing my throat, and causing the both of them to rapidly tear apart.

My gaze held Jack's intensely, who stared back frightened and rooted in place. I knew I was being harsh, I knew I was being unreasonable, and I knew I had no business interfering. But a much deeper and darker part of me didn't want her to be with anyone else. It was far too painful, far too heartbreaking.

I met her gaze for a brief second, and my heart fluttered. I felt like I had at the beginning of our relationship. My lips formed a small smile for the first time since we broke up. I completely forgot about Jack- who stood a mere few feet away, the interaction I had just witnessed, and the break up. All I could focus on, all I cared to focus on, was her.

Just as fast as my escape from reality came, so did my return. I fumbled to find my bearings, staggering to quickly make a beeline for the bathroom.

~

I didn't sleep much last night. Mainly tossed and turned as my thoughts continued to revert to Violet. The question that kept me up, the question that haunts me most days, why I left her? Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure.

She's beautiful, both inside and out. She's kind, and sweet, and thoughtful. She's too good for me. The worst part was, I knew that. I suppose, I feared her figuring it out too.

Was I trying to protect her heart, or my own?

Initially I thought it was the former. She deserved better. I'm Charles Dalton, known for countless detentions and poor grades. But as I mull it over in my mind for the umpteenth time, I'm beginning to realize how selfish I've been.

It's not my place to decide who she should and shouldn't be with. Hell, if she sees even an ounce of hope in me, in us, I should be grateful. I shouldn't run from the one good- no great, thing in my life. She is my entire world, and without her I feel lost, alone.

I eagerly throw the warm duvet off my body, bouncing out of my bed. My bare feet come in contact with the coolness of the old hardwood flooring. My eyes squinting as I search the dark room for my lamp switch. But upon hearing the faint snores of my roommate, I decide it best not to plot my plan to get Violet back at 3:00 AM.

I huff, falling back onto the stiff mattress. The half-open curtain provides a faint glow into the otherwise dark room. I vaguely make out the hands on the alarm clock that sat atop the dark wooden night stand.  3:05 AM

I was too awake, too alert, to possibly fall back to sleep.

I promptly jump back out of bed, venturing out into the hall. The familiar skip in my step present once again, as my thoughts have returned to a much happier place.

My bare feet pad quietly along the cool surface, before I find myself standing between Neil and Violet's respective doors.

My eyes dart dejectedly between the old wooden structures. My heart constricts at the thought of walking inside, finding her curled up under a heap of blankets. Her hair falling carelessly around her face, her features gentle, softly illuminated by the faint glow of the moonlight that shone through her curtains- her chest heaving ever so slightly up and down.

I force the thought away. More importantly, I force the memory of sleeping beside her away. My arms wrapped securely around her frame, her body moulded to my own, heat radiating, as I fall asleep to the soft sound of her heartbeat.

~

"Charlie. Earth to Charlie," Knox spoke while snapping his fingers, a hint of annoyance present in his tone.

"I'm sorry," I sigh.

"Didn't sleep much last night."

That was an understatement.

"What's gotten into you?" Neil asks concerned, although by the noticeable and uncomfortable shift amongst the boys, I could tell they already had an idea.

"Charlie, you were the one who ended it, remember? You have to accept that. You can't possibly expect her to sit around sulking all day."

"-Yeah, so what she went on a date," Meeks adds rhetorically to Neil's speech, while Todd and Knox nod eagerly in agreement.

"I just didn't expect to feel this way, that's all." My voice came out much weaker than I had intended. Though I suppose my tone matches my emotions quite accurately.

Just then, as if on cue, in walks Violet. The boys voices instantly hush, the tone of the room shifting dramatically, along with their eyes.

"Hey," she spoke softly, her voice weak. Her presence was always demanding, but here and now her tone certainly was not.

She stood almost awkwardly. Her thumbs circling each other anxiously, as her clasped hands fiddled about in her lap.

"Hey Vi," Todd spoke first, his voice equally as meek.

She offered him a small smile. The smile, however, never quite reaches her eyes. The same bright eyes that had always held every ounce of vibrancy, appeared dim and vacant.

My chest felt tight. As though a heavy weight had been placed upon it, and the only fix was to wrap her in my arms, hold her close, and to never let go.

My eyes glance over her frame. I scan her over and over again, as if I am trying to burn the image of her into my brain.

My gaze catches hold of something different. Sat ever so slightly above her collarbone, was a golden heart. Her initial had been etched onto its surface. I knew Violet, and I knew such an extravagant piece of jewelry was not something she would buy for herself. She was not ostentatious in the slightest, and merely by the way that sparkling gold pendant demanded attention, I knew it had been a gift.

My heart feels cold. The room feels empty. I feel completely and utterly alone, even as I sit surrounded by the people who love me the most.
It was a feeling of loneliness I had become all too accustomed to.

It wasn't the locket that had me feeling betrayed. It wasn't the locket that shattered my heart into a billion pieces. It wasn't the locket that made me loathe this seemingly inescapable loneliness. Truthfully, it wasn't even Violet.

It was the knowledge that I will never stop loving her. I have given her so many parts of me, I'm beginning to think it's impossible to put myself back together.

Her smile is intoxicating. Her laugh is contagious. Her warmth is addicting.

The question that plagues me now, will she ever be able to return my love?

A/N: sooooo sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy this filler chapter!!!!! 💛💛💛💛