Mentally Unstable || BTS [Completed]

<• Chapter 12 •>

Chapter 12: Death is freedom

-2 Months Since Park Jimin was admitted-

*Jung Hoseok's POV*

It was early in the morning, about 4 am.

I lay in bed, my hands over each other as they rested on my stomach, rising up and falling down as I took steady breaths.

I started thinking about the pills from last night.

What if all this time I've been taking the wrong ones and just never knew...I could be fooled.

Who knows, it may as well be slow poison.

Either way I don't care.

Sometimes I hope I choose the wrong pill, just hope for it all to be over soon.

What's the point of going on if it's not for someone else?

What's the point of going on if it's not for yourself?

Does it matter if I chose the right pill or the wrong pill?

Death will find its way to one who nor desires it nor requires it, and to those who wish to end it all, have not ever started anything in the first place.

No matter how much I want something, I'll never have it.

And the less I care, the more life attempts to teach me the morals of caring and cherishing.

I stopped keeping track of time.

When it happens, I hope there's no one by my side, I hope there's no one I care for again.
_

It was lunch and once again no one had showed up, except for Jimin at our table.

I sat next to him again and ate a spoon full of sweat peas.

He seemed really down and started discussing his issues, how he doesn't see the point in living either.

"I mean why live if you're gonna die anyways." He laughed.

I chuckled, "You sound like a typical teen going through their emo phase Jimin-ah." I told him.

"Who knows, maybe after this, maybe after I leave the hospital, I'll go back to my old ways. Maybe I'll end up killing myself since i have no reason to go on." He looked down at his plate and played with his food, a loss of appetite controlling him.

That made me afraid of something.

I didn't like him saying or even thinking that.

It was that moment when I realised I was such a hypocrite. This morning, those were my exact thoughts, it was like déjà vu.

"Don't give up Jimin. We all live to make someone else happy."

"And if they don't exist?"

"They do. You just need to look harder."

"And what if they're right here and I never realise?"

(A/N: "Then you need glasses."—Sorry I'm done)
_

I kept thinking about that conversation I had with Jimin, I can't believe I said such things while I don't believe them myself.

Who am I to give him advice?

I'm such a hypocrite, but at least the few words I do say now to Jimin and anyone really, I hope they are important.

The day ended with the sun melting into the gradient blues, casting golden rays of heat into the Hospital from the few large glass windows near the second floor reception.