''Us and Them''

Do you know me?

English is a difficult lang. No maybe urdu is difficult. No actually speaking up is what i find the most difficult! I am deprived of electing the right and preferable words. Infact im too rough as i couldnt ever put my situations into words. Outcome of that is my mates never get what im really like. What they think is not what i am. I feel disappointed in me. Im the extreme of sth! I keep listenin and engulfin the nature of the words they elect when speakin. Maybe its like i myself dont know what i am. I fear conversin with my conscience, and thats why i never come to a conclusion to anythin. I feel like i dont have my own views on anythin. Just two things i constantly do: Agree and/or Disagree; but never puttin forward my excuses of doing so. Thats how weird i am. People keep askin me whats wrong! idk the answer to that. I convince them nothings wrong and that its just my nature, to keep seekin and scrutinizin everything because apparently i dont know what i should talk about or what im supposed to say in the relevancy of present situation. Im not like others. I do not have an ideal. I do not have opinions. I dont rely on facts. Ive got no povs. No humour. No logical thinkin. No convincin power. Im a mixture of complications and simplifications. You fail to read me. 

Even after all that, i think i have a cause. Idk yet what that is. I just feel that way. I hate cliches and im not normal. Idek what normal actually is. Everythin is socially constructed and so i never let anythin affect me or bother me. Im chill. Im me. Consider me ''no one''. As in what they mean in Game of thrones. 

Knowin someone is fun. When u do that from the start. It isnt like ''none of my business'' fuss. Its sth that can never be private or confidential: detectin someone's identity, rummagin through his character and interpretin or sometimes imposin your own assumptions. Im skilled at doin that. When i started with that habit of mine, i found out that my assumptions my predictions were right 80% of the time. And so with that motivation, i carried on with that. 

Im not an informative person. I dont have common knowledge. i lag behind. But i know a speck of everythin. Thats because i was lucky enough to go through every type of circumstances in life; failure, success, downfall, rise, starvation, abundance, more or less, a bit of everythin. That makes me feel like im well-balanced.

They say you need to be level-headed, quick-witted, extremely victorious to gain success and that mediocrity cant grip triumph.  Thats a total fuss. You can do anythin u want, anytime u want! You just need to be passionate. Everythins so freakin different from each other that a comparison isnt even possible. So i dont compare myself with anyone. I just keep whisperin to myself that maybe now is the time i can work it out, maybe now i think i'll do it. And thats how i push myself into doin stuff that could give me a taste of sth new. Instead of stickin to a whole of one thing, i go out there and feel a punch of everythin. Thats success in my vision.