Ashes to Ashes: The Female Alpha

Keep me Sane (pt.14)

I felt confused at his words, who am I? What does that even mean? Why does he look scared of me? My eyes grew wide as another thought worked into my head, does he know who I am? My lips open to ask the simple, yet scary question, but before I could he speaks first. "Get out,"

His soft features turned into his usual cold ones. He was no longer near me, no longer had his lips on mine, no longer held me in his grip. The moment was gone and I feared that it wouldn't happen again. He wouldn't let himself free again, he will continue to be cold and distant.

His simple command made my eyes watery. I felt sadness sweep over me, knowing he and I would never be the type of mates wolves dreamed about. Of course he wouldn't want me, no one wants me. I am a monster, perhaps he has realized that too.

I picked up the documents from the floor and hurriedly ran out the door.

My wolf whined and whimpered in my head, I want mate, she cried.

I couldn't respond to her, my lips began to tremble as I pushed my legs to go faster. Idiot! I can hear her yell. Hideous Bitch! Her voice continues to echo in ears. I plead her to stop, but she does not. Suddenly, I am in my room.

My hands feel my hair, then my face, and down all the way to my toes. My eyes close, and I take a breathe. They open, and she's no longer here.

"She's dead," I whisper to myself.

I decided to throw myself into work to keep my thoughts from her. I spent the entire day looking over documents.

I didn't go down for dinner, I couldn't bear to look at him, knowing there will probably be some girl around him, to show that we were nothing.

Once I finished looking over all the documents and files, I decided to clear my mind for a bit and paint. I always liked to paint. It was one of the few things that kept me sane while with my mother. Actually, painting was something that kept my mother from attacking me; she admired my work. I would steal the paint and canvas' from a village not far from where we stayed. However, once I ran out of canvas' and paint, it was back to normal. Back to my daily beatings. Back to being on the brink of death.

I painted the night sky. The dark purples, the different shades of blue, some grey, a little black, and some white. Along with night sky, I painted the woods along the bottom. The painting was an exact replica of the view from my window. I then painted my wolf in between the trees. A silver wolf with a matching set of silver eyes. My wolf was larger compared to other wolves and more aggressive. It took alot out of me to not give her control, but it was safer that way.

I hadn't realized I spent the night painting until I heard Steven call me down for breakfast. Thank goddess I didn't have the night shift last night. I quickly changed into a pair of black leggings, a sports bra, and some running shoes. I grabbed my hair into a ponytail and raced down the stairs.

Seeing everyone seated with food meant that I was late. I grabbed a plate and filled it with a muffin, eggs, and 2 slices of bacon, then moved to sit. I felt eyes on me and assumed it was because I came late, but the longer I ate, the longer I felt the stares. I slammed my utensils on the table and glared at those staring at me. Half the table flinched back while the others continued to stare.

"What?!" I hissed

Steven made gestures to face then to my hands. It was then I realized I was covered in paint. So what if I was covered in paint, was that a crime?

"You paint?" Steven asked hesitantly

I simply nodded then continued to eat.

Breakfast went like that for the next 20 minutes before I went to fulfill my duties. Steven went to the border, while I went to check if the pack members needed any assistance, or help.

It seemed like today would be a slow day. I spent half an hour helping the pregnant ladies, then with the elderly.

I was making my way towards the garden when I heard a little girl crying. My feet moved on their own accord and brought me to where the girl was. Two boys were shoving the girl, pushing her to the ground while she bawled. I dashed over and grabbed the two boys by the ears, pulling them away from the little girl.

"What is the meaning of this!" I yelled

"It...its okay, she's my sister" the blond boy replied

My blood boiled at the thought of him hurting his little sister, "You will never lay a hand on your sister again, or I will have you be punished in front of the whole pack!"

His eyes went wide at my statement. To be punished in front of the pack, brought shame to you and your family. It wasn't something taken lightly.

"I'm sorry" he whispered

"Get out of here" I commanded

The two boys scurried off. I turned my attention to the girl with tears staining her face. She had a bruise on her cheek and a small cut on her arm.

"Thank you" she squeaked

"There's no need to thank me. He shouldn't have done that. What is your name?"

"Alice"

"Well Alice, I was on my way to the gardens to look at the flowers. Would you like to come with me?" I asked softly

She nodded her head. I held her little hand making our way towards the garden. Once we arrived, she had the idea of making flower crowns, which I immediately said yes to. I hadn't been around children much, but whenever I was, I cherished every moment. Most didn't realize it, but children are smart in there own ways, seeing things others don't. We spent the day making a bunch of flower crowns as she told me about herself. The sun began to go down and I decided it was time to take Alice home.

Alice had a nice family. I told her parents of what occurred earlier. Her parents looked like they were about to kill their son. They thanked me for watching out for Alice. Truth was, I didn't mind being with her. She held so much innocence, it was refreshing to see what a normal childhood consisted of: making flower crowns, playing with friends, and watching cartoons.

I walked my way to the border, knowing my shift was going to begin any minute. When I arrived, there was no one in sight.

That's odd?

I began sniffing around, trying to figure out what was happening. And that's when I smelled it

Rogues