Oh, Miss Believer!

Twenty Three

After I had made my desicion, the appointment ended and we went home. The car ride was eriely silent, but it looked like dad was deep in thought. When we got home, I practically jumped out of the car and sprinted into the house and to my room. I slammed my door shut and made sure to lock it, then hurried over to my piano, my piano from the orphanage. A few weeks after my adoption, Miss Jackson had it shipped to our house, so it was here now. I'm glad she didn't sell it. I sat down before the keys and played a calming tune. My fingers gliding over the keys as I played away the anger, shock, and histeria of the earlier afternoon. That soon turned to pounding on random notes and putting my head in my hands and sobbing. 'I might die.' I thought while sobbing on the bench. What would I tell Dace? 'Oh hey I'm gonna get this surgery and I might die!' I stifled a sob at the thought. 'I have to tell her anyways.' I thought at hestitated before grabbing my phone and clicking Dace's contact.

Z.J.: I have to tell you something

Daceberry: What?

Z.J.: I have to get surgery on my vocal chords...

Daceberry: yay!

Z.J.: But there's a complication...

Daceberry: Uh oh, what is it?

Z.J.: I might die during surgery.

Daceberry: ...

Daceberry: oh

Z.J.: yeah...

Daceberry: can you explain why you might die?

Z.J.: if the surgeons make the wrong insicion, they could hit a vital blood stream, causing me to die.

Daceberry: oh my.

Z.J.: Yeah, but if I do make it out of surgery, I'll be able to speak, I think

Daceberry: That's good!

Z.J.: Yeah, I hope that happens. I wanna hear my voice after 5 years.

Daceberry: When do you go in?

Z.J.: A week? Maybe? I'm not exactly sure.

Daceberry: Well, make sure you text me before you go in

Z.J.: you'll be the first person I text before I go in, I promise :)

Daceberry: ok, thanks Z.

Daceberry: I gotta go, my dad is calling me, bye Z

Z.J.: bye Daceeeeee

I put my phone down and rubbed my eyes. That went better than I thought it would, at least she didn't seem that upset, I hope she wasn't. I went over to my bookshelf and grabbed Jane Eyre off the shelf and sat down on my bed, opening and flipping through the yellow pages, finally landing on the page I left off. I later laid down on my bed, still reading, but my mind was far from the present. 'What if I do die? What'll happen to my consionce? My body? My soul?' I thought, starting to have an exitentional crisis. I set my book down and took in deep breaths, but that didn't help. I started shaking and crying, but soon dad came in and wrapped me in his arms and whispered comforting things in my ears while rocking me back and forth.

"It's okay Zinc, It'll be okay." he whispered. I started to calm down. And eventually, I fell alseep.

*a week later*

I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed. It was that dreaded day, the day of surgery. Jenna was gonna stay here for the North East America tour, just to make sure I'd have someone to wake up to after surgery. Dad and Tyler are leaving with everyone and Panic! tomorrow, so they'll see me go in the operation room, but not come out, maybe. I changed into some leggings and a hoodie and descended the stairs to find dad preparing a breakfast of pancakes and bacon, I smiled at the scene. I sat down at the counter and dad slid a plate of pancakes of bacon to me. He smiled.
"Last time you'll have home food for a while." He said while making himself a plate. I nodded while stuffing a piece of bacon in my mouth. I finished my bacon and looked at dad, who was stuffing his face with pancakes.
'What if I wake up while you guys are still on tour?' I asked him. He finished chewing and looked at me. "Well, we could fly you out, but then you'd have to catch up with us if we were travling to another show site. So maybe you'd stay home with Jenna to watch over you." He said before taking another bite of his food. My smile faltered. Don't get me wrong, I love Jenna like an actual mother, but being alone with her? That's too many activites and shopping trips to bear. I nodded before finishing up my food. I went back upstairs to take a shower, since was going to be my last one for a while. I did such before brushing my teeth and changing into a pair of shorts and a hoodie of dads, I wanted something from his wardrobe. I slipped on some flip flops and ran down the stairs. No phone, no headphones, no journal. I wouldn't need it.
"Isn't that my hoodie?" Dad asked as I ran around the corner.
'Yes, your problem?' I sassed, putting my hand on my hip.
"No, just- nothing." He gave a small laugh. "You ready to go?" he asked.
'Yeah.' I said. I patted Jim on the head before walking out the door for, maybe the last time.