Deep Blue // BTS JIN

Chapter one: plan

The smell of the ocean made me sick and I quickly rolled up the window of the car.

"So Ra! Look at the ocean! How beautiful is it?!" My aunt yelled loudly in the car and I sighed.

"You know I don't like the ocean!" I yelled back and continued to watch my hands. I felt nervous and sick. The smell of the ocean was the same as I remembered years ago.

"You'll get used to it. You're going to live here in Busan." My aunt smiled and I tried to smile back.

I've been living alone in Seoul with my aunt for 13 years. I loved it and it made me forget all the things that have happened in this cursed city.

"Your father is going to be so happy when he sees you." My aunt said after a while.

"If he remembers me." I muttered, thinking of how much I changed. I've been avoiding my father all these years, trying to forget everything that had happened here. He was cruel, to send me birthday presents, forcing me to remember him.

"We've arrived." My aunt said and I got off the car. My heart started to beat faster when I saw the beach a bit too close to where I was standing. The seagulls were screaming as if someone was killing them. I felt the wind get harder and sand got in my eye. "Why did they decide to live here?" I mumbled.

I looked at our house and sighed. It still looked the same. The restaurant that my parents were running in the past still had the same name, Busan beach. The same ugly orange color, although it was faded now. I didn't like it.

I walked closer and kept staring at the old man that was cleaning the windows of the small restaurant. He didn't even look that old. His beard that was slightly going grey, was the only thing that indicated he was actually older than 40. 

"Dad." 

The not-so-old-looking man quickly turned around and stared at me. 

"Sora." 

He slowly walked closer to me but didn't hug me. He looked at me as if I wasn't real. As if I was a dream that would vanish if he touched it. I kept looking at him, not knowing what facial expression I was showing.

Did I miss him? I didn't know, but now standing in front of him made me feel I've been needing a father all this time. A father who would have protected me. A father who would have grounded me if I came too late. A father who would have carried his daughter to the hospital in the rain if she was sick. A father who would have a hairtie around his wrist so he could do my hair up as a child.

But I did all these things on my own. I never asked my aunt for more things. She had already done a lot for me. Cooking my meals, giving me her guest room for years without asking me to pay rent.

"Oppa." My aunt gave my father a tight hug. Father's eyes wandered from mine and he hugged his smaller sister. 

They had always been very close and I was actually jealous of their relationship. It would have been much nicer if I had any siblings. I saw my aunts daughters as my siblings but I also needed a brother. A brother I never had.

I blinked a few times, trying to chase the sad thoughts away. I can't be sad. I made this decision and I can't go back now.

"Sora." My father looked at me again and smiled. "Come in." I let him take my hand, leading me into his restaurant that was empty at the moment.

"Do you reme-" My father started but when he saw my face, he stopped talking.

"I'm sorry. Let's just go upstairs." He took the stairs that was in the back. It had been such a long time but I remembered every tiny detail. Nothing has changed from that time.