Floral Acquaintances

Sapphire eyes, alone at last

            

Dizziness, a slight headache and everything thrown into exaggeration,

Hangover and slightly ashamed for the events that occurred the previous night,

Promised the heart it wouldn't lose the fight,

Yet somehow, being myself never proved to be the wrong path until just then,

Confusion yet self-esteem issues at the same time,

In the end I couldn't really call you mine,

As those heavy bodies rocked in a heat wave under the same roof,

As a variety of choices were available for the night,

As I was there in clothing that were too tight

I saw eyes blue as a sapphire, eyes honey-warm, everything in one false swoop,

In a way, the way those driblets of sweat ran down the sweet unscathed face of yours I hoped for the best,

Never have I ever felt something like this,

A craving unlike anything I've ever experienced,

Yet me being there in my dishevelled hair, my untailored clothing from asos, my not so clear boring green eyes,

Created discomfort for you,

Never have I felt so imperfect as you made me feel during that evening,

Now here deleting my tinder because of the beauty standards they all made a long time ago, never too see my inner-self, my inner-perfection.

Even though being me, is nothing really to see,

Gay made even worse, not by those outside of the community,

But from them inside of it,

Creating the body-issues they long fought against,

Now they are lying in my head in false pretence.

I guess, I won't be perfect and I guess I will continue with one meal a day until my body is driven to perfection. Because if eating nothing, being thin almost anorexic is what beauty is, I want to achieve it for you.

Yet I can be here lying saying that I don't care about beauty standards or that I'm doing this for myself,

But I would end up lying for myself. As I am nothing yet another imperfect human being in the community's eyes, not good enough for love to suffice.