This is Me.

Chapter 1: James

   As a kid, James always told me I was destined for greatness. I found this a little silly because as messed up as everything was in our family, James had a perfect life and reputation at school. He was charismatic, popular, smart, headstrong, kind—everything u could possibly want in a perfect brother or friend. That's why I found it a little funny that he told me, his shy and awkward looking 8 year old sister, that she was destined for greatness. Except it never mattered that I didn't believe him. It never mattered that I was bullied at school or that my parents constantly fought over the littlest things, because I had James. He was my shining armor and my best friend.
   When I was eight, just starting the third grade, my teacher, Mrs. Kidley, asked us to tell the class three things about our family and what we did that summer. We were all squished tight sitting cross-crossed applesauce in a little circle beside the fish bowl, holding the class pet, Guppy. I remember as we went down the circle, all the little kids were saying stuff like: "My family went to Hawaii" and "I have the best dad in the world, he took me to the Bronx Zoo all the way in New York!" or "We spent a whole week camping in the mountains!" One girl even told the class her parents sold her and her little brother off to their grandma's as slaves then when their parents decided to buy them back, their mother and father had purchased a baby, and Mom had lost weight.
   I mean it was a whole lot better than what I said.
   "Carly, it's your turn," Mrs. Kidley stated.
  The class turned their attention on me. I felt the beat of my heart quicken with the adrenaline pulsing along in my ears. Baboom baboom baboom... "Uhhhh...," I stuttered. The shakiness of my voice was all too noticeable. "It's alright, Carly," Kidley said.
   I had already rehearsed the three things I would say in my head. I guess this is the part where my classmates found out I didn't do so well under pressure and attention. I was going to talk about how James had us flown all the way to Ohio just so I could experience Cedar Point, and how we then went to the water park to cool off. To save the best for last, I was going to tell the class that he had been accepted to Yale and our whole family went to Connecticut to check out the campus, except all I could remember was the fact that my parents broke their mutual peace when Mom broke down crying when she realized her and dad weren't one of the reasons James got into the Ivy League.
   So as I sat there empty minded and frozen in fear, I didn't hear the "Watch out!" someone screamed warning me Julius had tipped over the fish bowl when he got up and accidentally kicked the only loose leg of the wooden table Guppy was on.
   The first thing I felt was the glass bowl hitting my skull, and then the cold rush of water and pebble slipping through my Spider-Man shirt. Like any eight year old, you'd probably expect me to get up and cry after getting hit by a glass bowl falling from 5 feet up if I'm not already unconscious—except this is the part you're wrong. I didn't pass out. The only thing running through my mind now was saving Guppy.
   He or she was flopping on the ground aimlessly trying to breathe. I panicked and I panicked hard. I scooped the fish up with my bare hands and rushed over to the arts and crafts corner hoping the can filled with clean water had not been dumped yet. To my luck, it hadn't. Guppy's flopping was slowly weakening, but as careful as I could, I let her slip through my cupped hands into the opening of the can. I waited for her to move and it felt like the longest second of my life. It moved. I breathed a sigh of relief.
   Apparently the saving of a class pet isn't enough to earn you some respect in third grade. When I turned around, I finally realized the throbbing pain in my head and the cold, soaked shirt I had on as the class stared at me like a wild animal. I blushed and went beet red realizing how completely foolish I looked. Let's just say if it weren't for Kidley rushing the students out the classroom so she could clean me and the mess that was made, I would've passed out from the stares I was getting.
   By the time everything was cleaned up, the 3:30 bell had rang releasing us from school. Saved by the bell. After grabbing my book bag, I headed towards the commons thanking God it was right outside Kidley's classroom. I kept my head down feeling the drip of my hair. James was already outside. Sweet, sweet James coming at my rescue.
   "Hey bud, how was school?" he asked
   "Good, everything's good," I lied, but James knew better than that. After practically raising me for eight years, he had grown to know when I stole cookies out the jar, and how many minutes I took brushing my teeth. There wasn't anything I could get past him.  He looked at me with concerning eyes. "Tell me what's wrong," James said.
   I avoided his gaze because I knew it would break him when I told him I made a complete fool of myself trying to save a fish and forgetting all the fun things we did that summer. "Hey, Carly, look at me." He gently took my chin and cupped my face steering it towards him.
   You know that feeling you get when your heart tingles then aches and before you know it, something is rushing to your throat forming a large lump you want to swallow down while trying to force the tears out of your eyes? That's how I felt when my big brother looked at me. It wasn't the grossed out stare I got half an hour ago. It was the loving look that made everything okay, making you forget all the bad things you've ever experienced. The type of look that said "tell me, I'm here."
   James waited patiently. The car hadn't moved at all and the traffic was piling up from the parents waiting to pick up their kids, but he didn't care. "I saved a fish today," I smiled weakly "with my bare hands." That was when he noticed the last remaining pebble in my damp hair, and the dried blood in my scalp Kidley hadn't noticed.
    James smiled warmly at me. I think he had already put the pieces together. "You might've saved a fish, but now we're saving you."
   We drove to the hospital where I got three stitches that day. It was an eventful afternoon and although I'd come back to school the next day and gain the nickname "Fish Head" I wouldn't trade it for Guppy and the frozen yogurt James treated me to before we went home.