Tail Of A Fairy

32.

Natsu kicked the dust below his feet as he walked. Happy walked beside him — quiet and in thought. Happy could see Natsu's face. And he could see Natsu's pain. Every time something reminded him of Lucy, the pain would resurface. And there was a lot that reminded him of Lucy. Especially Nashi. But as Happy wandered beside his friend, he paused.

"What's up?" Natsu said. "Why'd you stop?"

Happy took a deep breath. Natsu needed to change. And Happy would be the one to start it.

"Natsu," He sighed. "When did you last look at Nashi?"

Happy saw the twitch in Natsu's face as he mentioned his and Lucy's son. Natsu turned to look away, and even started to walk again. But, he took a second look to see if Happy was following — which he wasn't. Happy was still there, standing on the bare path. The forest around them cast shadows on both of their faces. Natsu couldn't see the emotion on Happy's face, but Happy knew full well the emotions on Natsu's. Pain. Sadness. Regret.

"When did you last look at your son, Natsu?" Happy repeated. "When did you last talk to him?"

"Let's go, Happy." Natsu pushed. "We've got a job to do."

Happy gently shook his head. He hated this. "I don't think we should. You're only ever running away now."

"What?!" Natsu whipped around. The pure rage was evident in his face. "How could you say that? You're the only family I have left — How Can You Say That To Me?!"

"Nashi's your family. Not me. Not even the guild." Happy's eyes started to tear. "He's the only one who really is your family, Natsu. And you've completely looked the other way."

Natsu walked past the tiny cat. Foot fall after foot fall. He was not going to look back. His heart was heavy, but it always had been. Since L... Natsu couldn't even think of her name, it brought so much pain. His hands gripped at the straps of his backpack. The knuckles turned white easily, and Natsu could feel his nails on his palm. He closed his fist harder, hoping the physical pain would cut through the pain he was feeling inside.

Happy watched as his friend walked away. "Natsu, what day is it?"

Natsu pushed on with a grunt. "Dunno. Don't care."

"It's Lucy's birthday today."

Natsu froze. He felt the searing pain that passed through his heart. The nails on his hand were no longer enough. He couldn't run. Even if he wanted to, his legs were stiff. Suddenly, the beating in his heart was the loudest thing he heard. Happy kept talking, but each thump he heard reminded him. The scream he heard. The feel of her side as he pushed her. The sinking feeling he felt as he looked behind for her. And the blood that he always felt on his hands.

"Nashi's almost five." Happy tried. "What about his birthday? You've already missed two."

Happy could feel himself pleading. Natsu was broken now, more than ever. More than E.N.D. More than when Igneel disappeared. More than when Igneel reappeared, only to die. This was Lucy. His friend. His wife. His Lucy.

"Lu-" Natsu paused. The name stuck in his throat. "She's gone, Happy. Gone. I can't do anything about it. I was the one who pushed her away. I was the one who-" He felt his throat close up. In his mind, he cursed. Happy knew him too well.

"Let's just go home." Natsu pleaded. "I want to go home."

"Home?" Happy started to cry too. "You haven't entered the house in years — you've been sleeping outside! Nashi lives with Gray and Juvia. And Lucy's not there to keep the house. You don't have a home!"

"That's right!" Natsu turned around and yelled. He could feel the tears on his cheeks, and saw the tears on Happy's cheeks. But Natsu also felt the hurt and anger at himself. "Lucy's not there! She was my home — she made it that! And she's gone!"

"D-dad?"

Natsu turned around, the tears on his cheek still wet. He saw Nashi, right there. And behind him were his friends. Subaru, Gael, and Freyr. They all stared in silence at Natsu. This man, who was so broken. This man, who was crying more than they had ever seen anyone cry. Natsu was frozen by the looks of these children. He felt his heart freeze when he saw Nashi. The yellow hair, those brown eyes. That look of worry. It was all her. Natsu looked at the boy. For him, time was frozen. Then, he fell. His knees hit the ground and then his hands. His head hung, like an animal that was beaten into submission. Natsu didn't bother to stop the tears anymore. They had all seen them anyway.

And he cried. Once more, like he did that day. He could almost feel the snow on his body, and the blood that covered it. He howled, and the trees shook. He cried, and the ground turned dark from his tears. The children watched as this man seemed to sink even further. They watched in silence as this man cried.

But Nashi didn't want to watch this. He walked up quietly, beside his father. Gently, he put his small hand on his father's back. He began to rub it gently, and whispered.

"It's okay, dad. It's okay to cry. It's okay to miss her. But mom wouldn't want you to cry. You're hurting yourself. It's not fair to yourself." Nashi tried.

Natsu could feel the hand on his back, and heard the words in his ears. They were so simple, but Natsu couldn't believe them. He pushed her. How could that be okay? And no one knew, no one knows that I am the person who killed L... Natsu felt another wave of tears coming. How could Nashi understand?

"Dad, don't hate yourself. You did nothing wrong." Nashi sighed. "I know what happened that day."

Everyone watched in silence at what Nashi was saying. Something happened that day?

"Taurus told me. You did nothing wrong. You tried to save her. And she fell. But mom doesn't hate you for that. She tried to tell you. Her last words..." Nashi choked on his own tears that were beginning to form. "She tried to say 'I love you.' Dad, mom hates to see you like this. So please, stand up!"

Nashi felt the tears in his eyes starting. Almost three years. Three years that his mom hadn't returned. Three years that his dad hadn't returned. And he was running out of strength. His last promise to his dad, and he was failing it. "Dad," He hiccuped, the tears not stopping. "I need my dad back."

Nashi started to cry harder. His eyes shut in pain as he continued to rub his dad's back. Then, all at once, it changed. Natsu turned around, and hugged his son. He pulled the small boy in tightly. Natsu ran his hand over his son's hair. It was soft, and clean. There was no blood on this boy. Natsu's nose twitched for a moment. Lilacs?

Nashi pushed into his father more. He was back. Three years, and he finally felt his father's arms around him again. His small hands grasped at the scarf around Natsu's neck as he rubbed his face into it. He could feel the warmth of the arms around him.

"Let's — let's go home, Nashi."