Cali Girl》》Paul Bro, WDW, and Shawn Mendes Story

the weird phenomenon of life

That night I thought I was gonna die, everyone else did too. I began to bleed out, I wasn't supposed to be running. It tore my stitches open, Shawn felt like it was his fault for driving away. He sat beside my bed all night, telling me "Its okay, you can let go" while holding my hand super tight. He probably thought I couldn't hear him, but I could. Another problem is that I took the pill to early so my heart got all messed up, rythem wise.

The nurses were soon gonna give up, which I didn't blame them, I was gonna too. I always come back to this. Did I make it and I have finally came to my conclusion: you have made it when you have died. And I haven't made it. I don't want to make it right now, I want to do more because as Logan said. "Life isn't short. You just have to do more" which is true. I am told that I have done more then most people have in half the time. But the thing is, when they die, they feel satisfied, I'm not satisfied. I have done alot and I am happy with every decision I have made and everything I have denied.

I am the person who will either fight or I choose the easy, less painful way. Dieing is kind of like that. You can suffer awhile longer and maybe not live a normal life or, you can give up. Sometimes I want to give up. I want to give up now, but my brain doesn't. My body is tired, my brain has just woken up.

I find it funny how I am contemplating  my death when I'm twenty years old. If you told me 2 years ago that I would be doing this, I would say "f*ck yourself" then walk off.

Back to how they are giving up, they want too but Shawn, Logan and Jake are trying to have me try one round of chemotherapy. And right now, death seems more inviting then living.

But living is a challenge and living is dieing so either way, I will make it to the same place. After the toughest night of my life, they decided to give me chemo. Logan and Jake left because they have business to do. I still haven't forgiven Shawn. But I guess, if he wants me to live so much I will try.

I currently lay in the bed, I feel fine again. Normal almost. They said that I'm doing great with had single round of chemo. I am still thinking about dieing and living and the weird phenomenon of life. I have been informed I can leave the hospital tonight.

Shawn keeps on trying to talk to me, and now I'm getting the definition of depressed? Which I mean, she's coming. All I want to do is sing and dance on stage. Which I was told I can do if I don't do anything for the next week.

"Mayaaaaa" Shawn whined as he sat in the chair with poor posture

I give him the side eye and continued with my thoughts.

Now on my thoughts of Shawn, because obviously he's being a whiney b*tch currently. I don't blame him, imagine if your girlfriend or boyfriend didn't respond while she or hewas dieing. He's cute, and I kinda do forgive him for saving my life. I genuinely never loved somebody so much in my life, and I hope we never break up because I want to marry this kid. He is really the only reason I want to live. I feel like I should give him a little attention.

"Gimme your hoodie" I aggressively said as I reached my arm out.

He quickly took it off with a smile and gave it to me.

I layed it on top of my head.

Now that I have this hoodie on my head I feel better. Unstoppable. I am now being consumed by the smell of my Boyfriend. I would enjoy dieing lime this, but this only makes me alive.

I lifted the end up so I could see Shawn, who was wearing my PINK  hoodie, which fitted him, I guess it is pretty large on me...

He sat there smiling at me then I dropped the end and began laughing.

He then lifted the hoodie so both our head's were in it. I licked his nose as he laughed a bit and looked at me with the biggest smile.

"I've never been so happy" he smiled as we both sat under the warm hoodie.

"What if I died" I asked as I closed my eyes

"Lets not talk about that, your alive now. And that's all that matters" he said as he kissed my cheek and took his head out.

"I want to know, all night I could here the fighting and I wonder how important I am for you all to yell at nurses to try keep me alive" I sighed

"I would never get over you" he lifted the the hoodie off my head "nobody would. You are like a diamond. You did too well under pressure, and now you are the most precious thing to walk the earth" he played with my nails.

"Your such a f*cking fruit loop" I grabbed his hand

"Fruit loop" he questioned

"Yeah, fruit loop. Full of endless love and sweetness" I smiled

"Then we can be fruit loops together"

"When will we be fruit loops together but not in a hospital" I asked as I used my phone with the arm that doesn't have 700 ivs.

"What time is it"

"Almost 7"

"Really" he asked shocked

"Yeah, what time do we leave"

"We can leave now" he said as he beeped a nurse.

One rushed in.

"How are you feeling" she asked

"Fantastic" I smiled as I sat up.

"Okay well, you have to wear gauze all around your stomach just so incase it bleeds it won't." She handed Shawn a long roll of nude gauze okay, I'm gonna check you out darling so you can leave" she smiled

"Okay" Shawn nodded as she closed the door

Another lady came in and got my ivs out and stuff then she left.

"Okay, stand up"  he grabbed my hands and helped my weak body stand up.

He lifted my dress up and began to wrap it around my stomach.

"Tell me if it is too tight" he looked up as he reached around my body.

He soon finished then he put his hoodie on me (his green Adidas hoodie ), Gucci on the side shorts, and Gucci slides.

Then we walked out to the car.