At Her 18th | ✓

Fourth🌹

"WHERE ARE YOU?!" Kinailangan ko pang ilayo ang cellphone sa tenga ko sa dahil sa sigaw ni Abby sa kabilang linya.

I paused the show I was watching on the TV and headed to the kitchen to grab snacks. I was watching this new Netflix series and I was already at the middle of episode 6 when Abby suddenly called.

"At home, why?" Bumalik ako sa sala dala ang isang pack ng cookies at gatas. Cookies and milk are always gonna be the best snack mix.

"Bakit nagmumukmok ka diyan?" Oh, if you only knew. I decided that it would be better if I stay low for now, just until I find my strength to face people again.

I needed someone to talk to about everything that day, but Abby's his sister, that would be so awkward if I talked to her about her brother. And I couldn't tell my friends either, because Abby's in the same circle and word travels fast. So instead, here I am, sulking, watching Netflix to get my mind off of things.

I was ashamed of my actions. It wasn't supposed to turn out like that. I was supposed to hold back, not give in. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganun lamang ang reaksyon ko tuwing magkasama kaming dalawa.

I am so thankful that no one showed up during the past three days. I didn't know how to face him after realizing all those embarrassing things I did! Oh god, Isla anong pumasok sa isip mo nun?!

I watched shows and movies with similar situations, and I have already crossed out the part where the protagonist considers that she's sexually frustrated which causes her to imagine these things. I am a virgin, so how could I feel sexually frustrated when I don't even know how it feels?

Ano uhaw na uhaw ka na, Isla? Before Abby's party, sex wasn't even included in your bucket list! Heck, you didn't even have any interest about it! And just because of some hot and brooding blue-eyed structure of a man, you're already thirsty for the experience?!

"Hello? Earth to Isla. Nandyan ka pa ba?" Iniwala ko sa aking isipan ang lahat ng 'yun nang marinig ko ulit ang boses ni Abby sa kabilang linya.

I just have to push the thought to the back of my mind. I'll just ignore it. Mawawala rin 'to. My will power is strong, I know I'll eventually get rid of this need.

"Yeah, what were you saying again?" I don't like keeping secrets from my friends but I don't know how to tell them about all this.

It may sound so cliché, but I literally feel a strong urge pulling me towards him. It's such a tyrannical feeling that I just don't understand.

Simula nung namataan ko ang asul niyang mga mata, alam kong wala na akong kawala. Ilang beses ko mang itanggi, sa kaloob-looban ko, alam kong may kakaiba sa mga pinaparamdam niya sa'kin.

Kahit ayokong aminin, alam kong may parte sa'kin na naghihinayang na walang sumundo sa'kin nung nakaraang tatlong araw. I even waited. Hell, I fucking waited like a lost puppy waiting for it's owner to come and find it!

I just don't understand myself anymore.

"Ang sabi ko, anong oras ka pupunta dito?" Wala naman akong natatandaan na may usapan kami ngayon, ah?

"Saan?"

"IT'S YOUR GOWN FITTING! Kayo pa nga mismo ni tita ang nagsabi sa'min!" Inilayo ko ulit ang cellphone sa tenga ko dahil sa pagsigaw niya ulit. But wait, what? Ngayong araw na pala 'yun? I even checked my phone's calendar to make sure of it.

"Nandyan na kayong lahat?"

"Just us, sabi ng mom mo by Monday pa daw masusukatan ang mga pinsan mo." Oo nga pala, sasama pauwi kina mom next week ang mga pinsan ko sa side ng mga Demavie, habang yung sa mga Hidalgo naman ay babyahe pa mula Batangas.