Hidden 8th | BTS

Stage 20

Chapter 22: Stage 20

You and Tae were back home once more. You had bid Tae goodnight and watched him as he left for his room before you dashed back into the bathroom.

Somehow the bathroom was the place you the spent the most time in.

You had locked the door before you pulled your hoodie off your chest and dumped on the floor.

It was so itchy.

Your hands had quickly clung onto your neck with your fingernails clawing onto it. You scratched and scratched.

So itchy.

Your fingernails clawed in deeper.

So itchy.

Faster. Harder.

So itchy.

You kept scratching. It wasn't enough. The itch was still there.

You quickly dashed into the shower cabin and turned the tap on, making the water go through the shower head in full blast. The water hit your warmth neck and made your sweatpants wet.

The cold water had numb the feeling of pain from the scratches you have just made.

But the itch was still there.

Automatically, your fingers clawed once more.

This time drawing blood. And before you knew it the depths of your fingernails were covered with red.

The itch had stop after some time. And your hands got tired after a while as well.

You paused and scanned your fingers. You eyes got teary as you let out a cry but it was drowned out from the sounds of the water splashing onto your face as well when you had hunched a little.

The blood inside your fingernails weren't washing away because you weren't cleaning it. You couldn't move your hands from your face and all you could do was cry.

Why were you like this?

Why couldn't you be normal?

Why couldn't you be strong?

Why was this happening to you?

You wanted to get out.

You wanted it all to stop.

You wanted to be happy.

You did nothing wrong. All you wanted was to make others happy, to make others satisfied.

And maybe that was a problem itself.

It especially didn't help that when you bended down, you could see your stomach. The bones were evident. The ribs almost on display.

The body that you thought was beautiful.

It is still beautiful.

You were stuck in a Ringwanderung

--

The next day you wore a turtleneck.

You walked into the kitchen, where the rest of the members have already woken up and were munching onto their breakfast. You quiet walked over to the kettle and grabbed a cup.

"Morning Y/N." Kookie said while munching on to some bread.

"Morning." You replied as you stood by the counter and sipped your hot water.

"Alright looks like everyone's here, so today we are going to go shark cage diving and after that we have a lunch break then suffering lessons." Namjoon said with his gaze reading the screen on his phone as he scrolled through the message that the staff had sent him.