Home?

Chapter 19: Emotionally homeless.

Ivory

    Declan gets in the car is in the middle of me jamming out. He opens the car door hops in and slam the door like he's want it to fall off. He looks really mad. What did Grace do this time?

     "What did she do?" I asked him as I turn down the music.

    He shakes his head and doesn't answer. I'm not going to force him to answer something if he doesn't want to. He pulls out of the fancy restaurants parking lot and gets on the highway. He said he wanted to take me somewhere at the table. And that 'somewhere' seems like it's out of town. Minutes go by and they feel like hours. He hasn't said anything. I'm so focused on if he's going to say something to even listen to the words of the music in the background.

    I find myself just staring at him, waiting for him to say something. When I realize he's not going to, I look forward and start playing with the ring on my finger.

Maybe she said something that changed his mind about the whole thing. Maybe he doesn't want to be with me anymore. It's not like the first time someone's giving me hope and crushed it like a potato chip. Maybe I just have this effect on people that make them love me and then the other hate me or they die.

All of these doubts and worries and frustrations just keep filling my head. My head is getting so full and heavy I just want to scream and shout. Scream so loud and hard that my lungs start to hurt. I hate being alone. But it just keeps happening for me to be alone. I don't just want this to work I need this to work. I need me and Declan to work. I want to go home with someone, lay down with someone, someone to kiss me, someone to hold me, someone to tell me it's alright, someone to spill my heart and soul to, and I don't just want that to be someone I want that to be Declan. And it's scaring me that I'm getting so relied on him. I'm scared that one day he's going to realize that I'm a crazy damaged girl that can't be fixed. I don't want to be that girl anymore.

"We're here,". Declan's deep voice cuts my doubtful thoughts. He's pulled up to a cute little store that the sign says Books For Days! The whole place is blue and the lights inside are all kinds of different colors. It only looks about one story. No chairs or tables outside so it can't be a restaurant and by the title there should be books in there.

"And where is 'here' exactly?"

"It's an old book antique shop. There's antiques and books that are probably hundreds of years old. There's maybe and a William Shakespeare original play in there. I figured you'd like it here."
"I like wherever you are," I say to him in the best player voice I can do.

"Oh, stop you're going to make me  blush," I look at him and there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him anymore as if his bad mood had been blown away by the wind.

"You want to go in?"

"Yeah, I actually really do. I didn't think anyone had Shakespeare's plays. Like the original copy. I've read a dozen of Shakespeare stuff. Did you know he had multiple affairs with multiple different people on his wife? Men and women. And his wife just let it happen she knew about it."

"That's crazy."

"Well, it's not that she could do anything about it. She was a woman in the 1600s. Women didn't really have rights back then like we do now. She had children with him it's not like she could be even. But anyway, let's get in the store and see if this place really does have that stuff you talking about."

He hops out of the car, rushes to my side and open the door like usual.

"Do you really have to help me, every time?" I ask him as he holds out a hand for me.