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Chapter 16: I just had to wait a little longer.

Declan

"Declan?" She asks. Her eyes are wide. I shouldn't have said that, it just came out. Here she was telling me, ME Declan James Alexander, what happened to her. And those scars on her back. They go all the way up her the back of her arms. I have never seen then or even thought she could have them. I thought what happened to her was like an accident that... well I don't know what I thought but it most definitely not this.

Not her being in the same car that killed her brothers. Or know how your brother died saving the other. Or having your own father blame you for everything. Even thinking about it wants me to just hold her. I won't let anyone do that to her again.

It's too late to say that she heard wrong. She needs to know that I love her.

"I love you," I say again. "I have been in love with you since third grade. I love everything about you. I love the way your eyebrows pull together when you are reading. I love how you read love stories but don't believe it's real.But if it wasn't real I don't know what I would call the way I feel about you. You don't understand. Hell, maybe I don't even understand. But I'm pretty sure the way I feel about you is love. So you don't think I'm making it up I'll give you some more reasons why I love you.

I love that you're strong and independent. I love that you trust me with your story. I love the way you tuck your hair behind your ear. I love the way you say my name. I love the way your name sounds. I don't know which one is better the idea of loving you or sleeping in the same bed as you.

You can't say that no one loves you anymore because I have loved you for almost 10 years. That's why I treated you that why because I didn't know how to tell you. I still don't know. I didn't mean to just say it. I'm not just saying it either. I mean it with all of my heart.

You have no idea how it felt when I kissed you last night. It was and if I have been in the dark and you were my spark in the dark. You light more brightly than the freaking sun or the stars.
But the down side with all of this is that I know that you don't feel the same. I get that and I will get it if you want me to sleep down stairs but I'm done keeping it from you. I'm done pretending I don't have those feelings for you. I can't turn it off either.

I have tried to stop myself loving you by dating Grace. She was madly in love with me. That's why she is like that. I broke up with her when Soph got sick. Sophia knew how I felt and why I was like that with you. She was the only one who could crack it. I'm sorry I'm rambling I'm just nervous. I have dreamed and imagine what this conversation would go like," I take a breath. I didn't know I needed to say so much. I was telling her how I feel after so long and she isn't walking away. Not yet, anyhow.

"That list? What was the last thing?" She asked looking up at me with her eyes still wide. Her mouth was open a little bit like me. She wasn't ready to hear something that has been haunting me for years like she had.

"The last thing on that list is to make you forgive me and to tell you how I feel. Now that I have. I am done with everything on the list. That list one my sister's last wish. I'm sorry, I had to tell you,"

She did the last thing I would think she would do. She kissed me. Hard too. This kiss was hot and steamy. Her hands in my hair pulling hard that it hurts.

I lose myself in it. I don't care that she didn't say it back. She probably won't ever say it back, but somehow it's okay.

Her hands move from my hair to my bare chest. Her nails dig in my back. I lie and say that I haven't dreamed about this. But when I was dreaming there was piano music in the background. I don't even know!

I kiss her just as she is me. My hand goes lower than her waist. I want to feel hurt everywhere places that no one has ever seen. Places that guys wish they could touch her there. I wanted to make her breathless, I want her to crave more than just kissing.